day 4

Today as I was putting my daughter down for her nap and thinking about coming to do my SEP for the day I started to feel nervous and overwhelmed and like there were other things I should be doing instead. In the past I've used this time to clean/begin dinner prep/pay bills/organize and taking this time to think about the reasons behind my TMS feels very self-indulgent. It is maybe the only thing I am doing ONLY for ME and there is a big temptation to feel guilty like I should be dedicating this time to a more worthwhile goal. I do realize that thinking like this is part of the perfectionist and goodist mentality that has landed me here - so I do see the irony.
I don't want to give up on this. I owe it to myself to push and give it my best. This is going to work and I'm so hopeful. Not everything that is good for you feels good (at least in the beginning).
Again many thanks to the kind gurus who are so supportive here. I got a message on a previous thread just as I was sitting down and it felt like a hug (and I needed one!).

 

Hi again, srton. Making yourself a priority is so difficult if you are a perfectionist/goodist mother. Been there!! But this is the best thing you could do for your daughter, seriously. She will pattern herself after you. Setting the wonderful example of being someone who takes care of herself in these fundamental, deeply nourishing ways, will allow her to do the same. You are not just doing it for yourself, you are doing it for her.

 

srton, remember being busy all the time will also contribute to your tension. You will feel like you're not getting anything done even though you are doing everything. You have to get rid of that trait by reconditioning yourself to take time for play and soothing without the guilt.
Procrastinators are very busy minded and they never get anything done cause they always think there's too much to do, like a procrastinator that is busy minded and hurting -- although they, we mean well, we are only hurting ourselves with these tendencies ok.
I am not saying you're a procrastinator but I am saying your busy mindedness is not beneficial ok.
All tmsers think they never have enough time ok, you have to make the time to meditate and breathe -- journal and laugh.
Get to know the traits you are feeding that are keeping you in pain ok, after you learn of these traits then you can learn to recondition and then heal.
Bless you