Day 42 Day 42 was several months ago

Thanks to all of you. I have my life back! I'm not 100% pain free! but am able to accept it. But by having my life back and putting myself out there I see how hard I am on myself. I am now much more aware/mindful of how I bully myself, set expectations that are way to high....it doesn't really matter if they are met, then insecurity comes up, and the pressure to do everything correctly, to make everyone else happy/ok is just so much work/effort....and I "think" I have the " control" to make it happen or right. Right being what I think is right. I definitely have issues. I go back and forth wondering if I need a therapist. The thing is I get that it's like cutting your own hair, they may see more .....but my hair keeps growing.
So today I am really insecure, I will cause myself back pain or a headache or some other DISTRACTION , but am going to try to not put so much PRESSURE on myself (good luck with that) and go out there into the world.
One of the biggest things that has helped with my tms is the call in discussion group recordings. As I mentioned in another post I have been stalking these daily for months! I cannot thank all of you enough for the recordings. Forest, Herbie Bruce Becca Walt Njoy North Star , joy , there are new people on the recent recordings. I know I have forgotten someone please do not take it personally. I truly love all of you for you wisdom and help.
Off to walk my dogs and listen to the recording
Hugs to all MJ
Also a special thanks to everyone that responded to my earlier post, or liked them , I get that I shouldn't require the approval, but I sure did like it!

 

MJG, I am so overjoyed for you. You most definalty have the right attitude on what it takes to heal. You have been a blessing to us as well. We all thank you so much for your time and love that you have brought to the community. Bless you and keep us posted, Awesome....

 

Hi to all, I still stalk you daily, and not sure I would be as far along without you all. Enjoyed Listening to God does not want you to be in pain" recording, and I am surprised I seem to have an increase in my faith....thats good!

I may ramble a little here, I've had a hard time with meditation, specially willing to make the time, so I listen to Allen Gordon's 8 minute in his recovery program daily. Its been a good place to start and I can't beat myself up for not doing meditation correctly, at least it 8 minuets. I am back to being extremely busy, guess part of some TMSer personality, and that is great....except and I don't even like to give it anything but I'm struggling with TMS insomnia.
I'm applying the same principals as before with only some success .
The one thing Ive notice after doing the SEP I seem to finally have a voice and speak when something is bothering me. I thinking that helps with the rage, I need to think of the meditation as sometime I get on that train( the angry train) and my delivery is not politically acceptable ,BUT I didn't stuff/repress my thoughts , since I have the need to be the goodist,
its an ongoing process. Thanks for listening. Hugs to all MJ

 

MJ, continue to walk your journey, Although the extremely busy part worried me -- just be in a mindful flow mood while your busy ok. Be in flow and being busy won't bother you. The meditations will take some time for you to get used to them, the whole point is to get relaxed while you are between asleep and awake. This way you are controlling your autonomic nervous system while awake and that's great. Having a voice will carry you a long way too my friend. That part right their, the voice alone has set many many folks free from pain and anxiety more than I can count. Everything about having a voice is refusing to contemplate fear. Nice to hear from you FRIEND. Keep us posted more often.
Bless you.