Day 45 (Bonus Day 3) The hidden fear

So the family has recovered from a full month of sickness (taking turns) and my pain is almost zero again. Good!

I was having maybe 5-10% pain, and something happened in my emotional life (at work) that just made my whole body relax and I could feel my hip/leg got even better and my pain was 0%. I went from feeling good to fucking great body wise. When evening came I had this small emotional worry (no idea about what) but still 0%. When I fell asleep I instantly had a nightmare being chased by wolves, and when I thought I was getting away I got flanked and killed from behind - woke up. The day after I was back to 5-10% pain.

This is the fourth time now (!!!) that this exact order of events have happened. Going from small amount of pain down to 0% and feeling extremely relax -> having instant nightmare of getting killed or similar when I fall asleep and waking up extremely afraid-> pain back up to 5-10% the day after.

I´m still very happy and proud to in general be at only 5-10% pain, but it would be so great to crack the next piece of my emotional puzzle and have that 0% and relaxed feeling more often, and without it bringing nightmares. It´s like that state opens up a path to my unconscious mind, and when I fall asleep, extreme fear appears.

And I don't seem to be able to understand the fear or handle it yet, but I´m sure I will sooner or later =). It is scary and intriguing at the same time. The fear is so powerful, the kind of fear you felt as a kid.