Day 49 - Check In

I haven't posted anything in several weeks so I just wanted to show up and tell you all I´m as committed as before and continuing a lot of mental and emotional work. I even stood up for myself at work to get a reduction in work load, which I got along with positive feedback thanking me for my efforts.

I have on average still been on around 25% pain, but sometimes 0-10% for half a day or so.

This week something remarkable happened. I was home alone and did like 10 minutes of verbal journaling for myself. All of a sudden I found myself saying 1 sentence out of the blue. And I stopped immediately. My mind: Holy shit, this is true. And not on a rational level, I felt it all through my body. And its profound. Made so much sense. I said it again. Within 10 minuets all my back, hip and leg muscles had relaxed and I was in 0% pain instead of 25%. It was like I just said something on trial to myself, and my unconscious just knew that I figured out something secret and humiliating to my ego and there was no longer any need for TMS pain as a diversion from this thing.

I continued to journal about other layers of this sentence, and also chain effects from this truth. I found many more truths about myself that surely is insulting to my ego.

It has now been 3 days, I still have more or less 0% pain!

I know I have much more emotional work around this and other subjects, but right now I´m enjoying the feeling as long as it lasts!

 

Wow!! That’s very impressive!!
Wishing you got into the big thing and if any pain comes back you will be faster and faster boosting the truth for your body .

i am at the very beginning and the opposite just happened. I was lying down listening to tms podcasts and as a person said something in her story that resonated with me, my back just send like pain needles. And then later another sentence and ouch again. I am a bit terrified of the potential of pain that my body can generate as I start digging 40 years of fear and suppressed things....

 

The no-pain lasted for about 10 days, one of the best so far. Then harshness of life hit with a tough period, like my kid got sick in fever and wakes up every hour and we get no sleep several days in a row (and worreid), and some other shit. Now I have small hip/leg pain again. But that is life. Still like -85% since TMS work started. It will subside soon again.

You see the mind-body connection then!! Even if it is a negative one. Body defense mechanism. The first month I got all sorts of weird things. Like the pain eased a bit only to come back worse. Also got really strange substitute symptoms, one of them was a skin rash in the palm of my hand. Never in my life had that before hehe. It went away after a while.

Fear. It´s normal and OK. As Nichole Sachs says, it´s not an epidemic of pain, it´s an epidemic of fear. One of the most important emotions together with anger in this work. Calming your nervous system is key, getting out of fight/flight/freeze response.

Also: Like me, you might be downplaying your emotions when writing/talking. "a bit terrified". I say this all the time, like to friends. "This happened and maybe I got a bit sad". And I stop myself. No! It got me really sad, not "maybe a bit". Advice: Be true in recognizing your emotions (at least in your own journaling).

Good luck!

 

May your kid get better soon +++
It’s impressive with so much factors of stress to have a less bad pain, wow. Like it’s possible to live better a normal ( stressful) life.

yes, you are right. I very well know that I have learned to minimize the expression of my unhappy feelings because my mom can’t deal with it. Ten years ago I went to a therapist who actually cried during our session: it pretty much somehow confirmed to me that I cannot upset others with my stuff. Even if that lady was very nice in her sensitivity and did not make me feel guilty at all and for her it was normal. Oh well, i will try again, i am on a waiting list at a therapist, hopefully...

thank you again
And loads of health to your family ++