Day 5

Oof, another whirlwind day. Not going to write too much since I'm pretty tuckered out from lots of walking. Put in over 20,000 steps today (almost 10 miles!) including a nice 5k run this morning. I'm still getting my lungs back into shape, so I'm not going to say running is totally pain-free. But it's the good pain of learning how to run again, like back when I first started. It's a little disappointing to find myself so winded, but I'm staying positive and saying to myself that, HOLY CRAP DUDE YOU'RE RUNNING! Just last week I was wondering if I would ever be able to run again.

However, today was a tough day at work. A lot of stress and I felt every bit of it. Back and leg pain/discomfort galore. Nothing too debilitating, but it wasn't comfortable. My boss has not been sleeping (overworking herself like she does every year) and she is becoming completely unreasonable. She tells us to complete assignments for her and then when we do them she yells at us, calls us idiots and says there's no way she would have ever asked us to do something so stupid. And then some of the work I turned in just got torn apart. Again, her lack of sleep and her overworking of herself is just pouring out onto me and my colleagues, and it's stressful and frustrating. Just being at the office makes my back and legs hurt.

I read through some TMS success stories and that helped me power through to the end of the day. I also walked a bunch during my lunch break and that helped too. I had a few moments where I just felt like my lower back was going to downright cave in on itself, it's a very weird feeling of being on the verge of a spinal collapse. But I had written down this morning the 12 daily reminders and pulled out that slip of paper and read and meditated on that. It helps. It's humbling to be reminded that I'm only a few days into my recovery. I'm happy with where I am in the process, but it is tough when the pain comes. Every nip and twinge sends me reeling back to doubt and fear and uncertainty : maybe I'm wrong about TMS, maybe this is a real physical problem with my nerves. That sets off the negative feedback loop and then I start worrying about having to go home from work, going to the hospital, etc.

But I just gotta keep reminding myself of my own progress. I've run these past few days; I'm walking without too much pain, almost 10 miles; I did a couple pull ups yesterday; I'm starting to bend and lift with more confidence. It's going to be a long recovery, but I'm confident I'll get there.

Thanks so much for reading, guys, and I hope you all have a great night and a great tomorrow morning !

 

I have the same problems at work with stress causing leg, back and neck pain. Your boss sounds awful and would definitely cause pain for me. I am fortunate to have a very good boss but I just get stressed trying to meet deadlines. It's more internal stress.

One thing I try to do is take deep breathing breaks throughout the day. I also spend my lunch hour alone in my car whenever possible so I can have quiet time to read the SEP or journal or just read a book. I don't really like to eat in our lunchroom because I am then surrounded by office people who just remind me of what's going on at work. I have to escape even if I bring my lunch.

I also walk sometimes when it's not the middle of summer in Florida. It's too hot now.