Day 8 - making MENTAL progress

So I have been following the structured educational program for eight days now. Sometimes I did not journal, but primarily reflect on my life with family members. I haven't had a close relationship with any of them, but I felt some urge to talk to them during this recovery process. It was hard to reach out, and ask for help, but I'm doing this more and more. I'm so proud!! I have noticed my symptoms decrease significantly when I have a good conversation about the possible causes of my pain (childhood, personality). Emotional abuse (not on purpose, they just not couldn't) and always neglecting myself and putting others before myself. Always trying to be perfect in every way: being a good friend, being a good employee, being a good daughter(- in law)... and so on.

I am still in pain 24/7, but the pain varies greatly during the day (2-7) and changes also a bit. There isn't really a pattern. My pain is neuropathic (a couple of months ago my muscles were the issue, but they feel more relaxed now), in my pelvic area, but the sensations vary. Yesterday I had alot of other symptoms aswell, such as a headache, nausea, pain in my foot, itching on my body. As if my brain knows that I know now. And today? They dissapeared. I have continued almost psychical activity already. Telling my mind I am pshysically fine. My evidence sheets grows and grows. I have to work on the mindset, but I know that takes time and thats OK.

I have noticed I cry alot since I have started this journey. Sometimes in a way I almost scared myself: could I cry that loud?

It feels so good to finally take care for myself. I deserve it. TMS gives me hope. My goal is to grow mentally and to finally be truly happy about myself instead of worrying if i'm good enough.

 

Right after journaling: headache, popping ears... In addition to my pelvic pain. Hi tms! Does this also mean I am working on the Right topics.. Or how should I see this?

 

I understand that these popping up and moving around symptoms means yes we are getting close to something we don't want to feel, which means you are headed in the right direction. I pause in these moments, if I can, to breathe, and see if something deeper is revealed. I had a crazy outburst of symptoms today, that I could clearly see what (and who) it was related to, but I'm sure I haven't hit the depth of it yet. It's around relationships and me actually being honest about how and what I am feeling (and have felt). You are showing your understanding, realising that these are not physical problems, and recognising your own personality patterns.

I just love this...

Thank you for these inspiring words.

 

Great work Misty! Don't worry if you get to the point where you are not sure what stress/emotions are triggering symptoms. Sometimes, the symptoms just come and go for no apparent reason. It's just part of our history of programming we all get with pain.