day 8 - progressing!

Hi everybody,

this process has been really interesting for me so far.
I feel grateful to my husband, who had to work extremely hard to convince me to try this path!

The past few days I have been taking it a little easier. I realized that being obsessed with progress and constantly working out my heaviest emotions, current and past, isn't necessarily the answer! As many of the people affteced by TMS, I tend to get a little obsessed with things, and I am a perfectionist, never happy with my work, and very hard on myself and the people I love...

After realizing this I was able to recognize the disconnection I feel while I am working ( I ama illustrator, former classical violist). At first it presents itself simply as not being in the flow; but if I miss (ignore, really) this first signal, I'll grow angrier and more frustrated every hour until my body starts hurting more! In those moments instead of scooping up my inner child and listening to her I'll ignore her. I will try to leave her behind while she is screaming, kicking and all, hoping that she will stop... because I. Must. Go. On. and obtain results and get work done. Otherwise, I am a terrible person, not worhty of love (lol). I don't know if this is my character or my classical musician education and work experience, but of course it never works! It feels terrible, and by the way this is how I got injured in the first place, 4 years ago, while I was practicing... So muh self imposed pressure.

As I was reflecting on this, I started feeling the usual cooling sensation in my left hand and the pain allieviating. So fascinating!

On a side note, interesting to think that maybe this excess of masculine energy maybe is responsible for the crazy discomfort in my right side of the body?!

Anyway. Keep going, don't ever be afraid of expressing you angriest, most socially unacceptable selves! And keep it up even if sometimes it is so exausting! This process does work, it is worth it.

Much love!

 

Hi giulietta90

Another very encouraging report. You're seeing in great relief what your inner relationship "default" is, and how other parts of you respond, like with anger or symptoms. Fascinating to watch your process as the layers are revealed!! I encourage kindness for yourself as you see the patterns more clearly.

Learning how your superego activity and superego ideals keep you married to the way you think you should be to be loved, is probably very important somewhere along here. Keep up the good work, and do rest when you need to.

Andy

 

I think a lot of people fall into this . . . I did. It is great you have recognized it already. "Healing" in terms of the pain lessening and losing your fear of it may come quickly or take time, but either way, this really is a long-term journey to stay healthy. No need to rush like you said! Keep up the good work.

 

Thank you for sharing, awesome to hear the progress!

 

"the way you think you should be to be loved! " Andy, this is powerful! This is a direct hit to the approval seeking programming we have all been downloaded with. If only we could give ourselves that approval and not stress over other's opinions of us that we have no control over anyway. Thank you for the insight!