DAY 8 RECOGNIZING FEELINGS

Are you having success at recognizing the emotions connected to your pain? If you have, how do these emotions make you feel? If not, what do you think is preventing you from doing this?

This is my second time going through an intense period of TMS pain in my life. My first was 10 years ago (hands/feet) and starting a month ago the hand/foot pain has returned. In some ways this time around is harder, because I am so shocked and disappointed that I am going through this again after I thought I had healed myself...but in some ways the healing is quicker and the process of delving into my unconscious is a lot more straightforward b/c I am building on tools I learned years ago. This program has really helped me recognize the emotions connected to my pain. I think the journaling assignments in conjunction with the educational videos and articles has really helped me. It is almost like an extension to my weekly psychotherapy appointments. Some of the unconscious emotions I am dealing with are the same as 10 years ago, and much is also different since I am in a totally different place in my life (10 years ago I was single, in grad school and had no children, now I am a teacher, married and have a young son). I am beginning to see a pattern of feelings of abandonment or feeling like an outsider throughout my whole life...starting with childhood and my parents divorce all the way until recently when a close friend/work colleague betrayed me, causing me to feel ostrized in my work environment. I realized that not only did I have anger/rage, but also a lot of shame because of these events. I feel ashamed because I have allowed certain people and situations to happen in my life that have led me to feel left out, abandoned, betrayed or simply disappointed. I am learning that part of my healing is not just about recognizing the anger and shame, but also about forgiving myself. I need to stop blaming myself for the events that have occurred in my life. I need to stop blaming others. I need to accept what is...that things happen in life for a variety of reasons and you can't beat yourself up about it forever. You need to learn from the unfortunate things that happen, love yourself and move on. So shame is the big emotion I have uncovered this time around that I don't think I was so aware of 10 years ago.