Day 8: Recognizing the feeling, now what?

Thank you for this page, it's a lifesaver! I had read Dr. Sarno's book (recommended by a friend) a year ago in response to knee pain that was lasting for months. When that pain finally subsided in the end of January,out of the blue, I developed severe fatigue, extreme lower pelvic pain and many other symptoms, which when checked out extensively showed nothing wrong with me. I then thought that it was the Lyme (I had been bitten 5 years ago, had flu like symptoms and fatigue, fogginess, insomnia, problems with cognition, etc. for months.) These symptoms would come and go every few months and I turned to alternative ways to treat it (Chinese herbs, acupuncture, etc.) and many of my symptoms would gradually subside. But at this point, I was pretty desperate because this flare up was so bad I couldn't work for three months now total. Someone recommended Nicole Sachs podcast and I started with Journal speak that very night. I had been taking a homeopathic treatment but hadn't had any real shift over that month. Once I started to journal though, things began to shift. I did more reading and kept listening to the podcasts and whatever TMS information I could find and realized that I'd had a vast variety of TMS symptoms for decades. Now, about 6 weeks later, my symptoms have improved tremendously and I was able to start working again. But, I'm also learning about the triggers that arise and I'm finding it challenging to not just repress the anger, for example, but to be skillful with it. In hindsight, I believe I got sick bc of repressing the anger I was feeling with my work dynamic over a long period of time, which, unfortunately is still there. How do I manage the anger, fear, without repressing it?

 

That's something I struggle with too. Once I let the anger out, I found myself being in a bad mood, and having a couple of short bouts feeling depressed or really upset. I think it's harder since you are journaling so much. Since finishing the program, it's gotten better for me.

I think the key is to let your brain run through the negative thoughts for a couple of minutes, but then try to flip it around and look on the bright side. That sounds like "repressing," but as long as you acknowledge the anger and don't tell yourself it's bad, or "I shouldn't feel that way" etc., I think you're good.

For me it's like...my wife has a bad day then comes home and vents it to me by talking about her stress, and it turns into her talking about how bad everything is in general. I start to feel some anxiety/breathing symptoms. Since journaling about this, my mind now immediately goes to how much her negativity angers me and makes me resent her because it makes me feel like I can't make her happy/am not a good enough husband. In the past, I would not let myself feel that because it made me feel like a bad person. Now, I acknowledge that it's there and okay to feel. Then I start telling myself how my wife needs time to vent like everybody else, and that her stress or negativity is not a reflection of my worth as a husband. It's heavy, but I'm getting used to it.

 

Thank you much! This is very helpful. I finally went back to work last week and believe it or not, walked into a situation with two others having a "tense discussion". I had to walk by these two to gather my things before leaving and immediately noticed my "everything" getting tense and tight. I refrained from getting involved and reacting outwardly and left. Right afterwards, I noticed how "sick" it made me feel and how my habit is to think "That's my fault that they're arguing, or unhappy, etc." I realized that I blame myself for their unhappiness and feel guilty that I don't do something to change it. That was a first step for me, now my next step is to acknowledge the feelings without feeling awful about feeling it. Thank you!

 

Hi sxl4000 and lotus37,

I think you make a great testimony about your skills and growth sx, and a heartfelt guide for lotus and others reading this post. Thank you.

In the past, I would not let myself feel that because it made me feel like a bad person. Now, I acknowledge that it's there and okay to feel.

To me this statement demonstrates self-compassion and skillfully working with the inner critic. Once these "wrong feelings" are allowed, then it seems you can see more, and love naturally arises. Bravo!

Andy B

 

I appreciate these helpful comments. It's been a long journey and I finally feel like all of this makes so much sense. If you don't feel the feelings, then there's barely room for the love and the joy be present. Phew, thank you both!