Day 8

Have been making good progress on my recovery. Day 1 I was still quite hesitant, but now I accept that I have TMS. I've noticed enough signs of TMS that I am certain it is TMS. Signs such as pain coming up when I even start thinking of some activities.

The journaling has been going well, and I had some very powerful emotions after writing. I realized how much I hated a close family member after writing a few days ago. It was very powerful, and a bit scary, but I also felt better knowing how I really felt. I felt a lot of relief and tension leave my body, knowing my true feelings, and no longer having to deceive myself every time to create a fake relationship. Hopefully now I can be honest, and try to repair that relationship.

Day 7 was also quite difficult. I'm a perfectionist and have been making great progress. So being told that trying too hard can also be bad, was tough to swallow at 1st. In the end, I understand the message though, and how trying too hard can make it even harder to move on and let the pain 'go away'.

Finally, I am still afraid of using a mouse, so TMS still has a strong hold on me. Even thinking of computer use can make my pain worse. Interestingly enough, playing video games and just enjoying myself doesn't trigger my RSI, in fact it makes my hands feel better for a few days. But once I start wanting to play more, I start worrying about playing at all in the 1st place (was I just lucky?, will it hurt this time?). When I start thinking like that, my pain gets worse even if I only play for a little.

 

Wonderful post HamsterTrainer!

You're really seeing the silliness of the symptoms, how games don't bother you, but similar physical activities do, particularly since you're worrying about them.

And you're connecting the emotional to the symptoms, seeing correlations, which is a huge stepping stone in getting better.

Just knowing more and feeling more about your life is a huge benefit.

There is almost no way that this information can come to us without causing the kind of personality reactions you're experiencing. It can feel like a kind of a "bind." But the point is to simply see when we pressure ourselves, that we do this around everything --including getting better-- and connect this in our mind to symptoms. We can't stop these propensities so much as see how they're connected to our symptoms, and have compassion for ourselves. This seeing, allowing, understanding relaxes us and symptoms dissipate. Gentleness will arise.