DAY 9 OVERLY CRITICAL-HELP!

Have you been overly critical of yourself lately? How and why have you done this? This is my 2nd bout of TMS. 10 years ago it was foot (plantar fasciitis) and hand pain. I used Sarno's Mindbody book and psychotherapy to rid myself of the pain then. Now it is back. It has been about 2 months, but only 10-14 days of very seriously getting back into a TMS program (i.e. this forum, reading Sarno's books, journaling, therapy etc.). Last week I had 3 days of 50-70% reduction in pain. Then last thursday, just minutes after leaving my last therapy session the pain came back with avengence. I have attributed it to uncovering some painful emotions (anger, hurt and shame) in that therapy session...I figure this is my unconscious/narcissistic/inner child's last attempt to keep me distracted as these painful feelings start to emerge into consciousness. It is 4 days since that therapy session and despite the continued positive affirmations, journaling, reading etc. I am back to were I was (pain wise) and I find this sooooo soooo soooo disheartening. I can almost hear my inner self....she is angry and frustrated and I think I am blaming myself in someway...I"m not journaling enough or I'm not strong enough to ignore the pain, or I don't have enough faith in the process, or I am allowing myself to be controlled by fear. So the actual process of healing is becoming a burden and source of frustration b/c it is not working as quickly as I wanted it to. I don't remember what my healing was like 10 years ago...whether it was a gradual progress towards being pain free or whether the pain came and went for a while before it was finally gone for good...so its hard for me to gage where I am at now. Am I making progress? Its so hard to see it b/c when the pain hits, I start to feel depressed, when I feel depressed I beat myself up..its so hard to step outside this negative cycle..the very cycle my unconscious mind wants to keep me trapped in. : (

 

"My progress happens erratically. I have some bad pain days & some pain free days."

I voted for the second choice. However, I'd like to add that my progress in eliminating TMS symptoms has taken place gradually, but steadily, over a 3 year period, speeding up 5 months ago after beginning the SEP on the TMS Wiki followed by Dr Schubiner's workbook, Unlearn Your Pain. Sure, there have been ups and downs that seem to be caused by different emotional and physical stressors, but my progress has been steady - if non-linear - all along. During the TMS pain peaks and valleys it's easy to lose sight of the big picture. Looking back, I see my recovery really began after reading Sarno three years ago. I think that's also when I started to accept the TMS diagnosis - not fully at first - but more completely with the passage of time and learning from my own experience. I may be wrong, but it certainly seems that recovery from TMS is only complete at that point where the patient has completely accepted the psychological explanation.

 

I am only on Day #4, however it's good to hear the pain goes up and down. I've seen posts by folks who recovered in just 6 weeks and I see that over and over again in Sarno's book. I just don't think that's realistic for those of us who are working this individually and online. If I was going to see Sarno once or twice a week I am sure the recovery would be very quick. I also read that he only accepted patients that were on board with the TMS diagnosis. Sometimes the hardest part I see is accepting it. While I think I have accepted the diagnosis, the acceptance ebs and flows... it takes a lot of work for us newbies...

Lala - I had an explosive discovery today and anticipate working through some pain after I talk to my therapist.

I hope you feel better soon.

Susan