Day five

Yesterday was so discouraging. I went to a physiatrist who is a friend of a friend. They had worked to get me in so I went and actually expected for them to say what the neurosurgeon said: I don't see nerve compression.m but try and epidural. Instead he found some hyper reflexes and wanted to order a cervical MRI and brain MRI to rule out myelopathy. What?? Total freak out. I was up last night with my legs aching and no relief and wondering if it was all the bending and sitting I have been doing. I was so discouraged. And I didn't want any more tests!!!

I reached out again to some supportive people who talked about the rabbit hole of doctors appointments and also keyed into some of my fears about illness or something being wrong. And something stuck. I can either stay on the rollercoaster and get multiple new MRI's, or I can get off. And I'm getting off. No more testing or trying to find a cause of the pain. The cause is clear. Its TMS and my emotions and the perpetuated fear of something being wrong. It's kind of scary to make this jump. But I am sooo ready to be done with this already!!

Today I am continuing reading, challenging myself, journaling for day five, and reading success stories. (Although I find myself looking for someone with symptoms just like mine to somehow make me feel confident).

There is nothing wrong with me. I have pain, but there is nothing physically wrong with me. I think I'm really believing that.