Day Numero Uno

Hi All,

I am feeling very grateful for this program and forum.

I have had significant success with using this approach for back spasms over the years and began to experience the benefits of this approach for severe chronic fatigue with the fatigue lifting in moments with accepting it, not resisting it and asking what emotion or what is deeper that I'm ignoring. I was using the information I'd received from a couple of books on the subject and a friend's guidance about using this approach.

Now, I absolutely accept that TMS is causing some of my health issues such as new and sudden and increased muscle pains, stomach aches and some other pains with increased stresses. I do have doubts and worries about whether it is responsible for all of the health issues and symptoms I experience and whether I am ignoring taking care of these issues with other approaches (even though they haven't worked for me in the past) such as if it's causing all of the fatigue, hypoglycemia and fibromyalgia type pain. After going deeper into the unconscious last summer memories of childhood abuse surfaced and received a diagnosis of PTSD of many kinds and this diagnosis fits too. However, the psychotherapies I did for this have not decreased body pain or anxiety in any lasting or significant way. However, the TMS approach seems to work quite immediately for me when I can remember to use it. I haven't met any doctors or therapists here locally that work with or believe in this TMS approach in order to rule out or support me in this approach though I have some labs I can do. I also have a history of Lyme disease that improved to a large degree after standard treatment but not all symptoms/health issues ever cleared up and I suspect there is a TMS component and/or trauma history component. Gratefully, I am exercising more with less fear and I don't worry about the pains as anything serious to be concerned about. It's more the physical energy and stamina, anxiety, moodiness, obsessive worrying/thinking I am wanting to shift more than anything OR just accept them as part of my personality: somehow I always forget that just accepting how I am and the way the brain creates the rage due to the inner conflict can shift and halt the anxiety immediately. Perhaps more acceptance of my perfectionistic over-achiever is in order rather than trying so hard to slow down and change my habits/personality...

I welcome feedback and am very grateful again for this program and opportunity to post and share.

 

Hi Kelley,
Welcome to the SEP. Right off the bat I should point you to Alan's TMS Recovery Program, which you could do right away. This is what Forest, the site administrator has recommended. It has skills building and some great recorded sessions of Alan's work with people. Highly recommended. You can dig into that program, then come back to the SEP.

How often we forget, even when we've learned so many times the efficacy of simply "being with" rather than pushing away or rejecting. I guess it points to how deep these patterns are in us, of wanting to fix, change, improve, or otherwise coerce ourselves into a different state. Your insight about the futility of this activity, and the actual tension this causes inside is very significant. Especially wonderful is your direct experience of the symptom relief when you don't fight things.

All we can do is catch our self-rejection, when we can, and re-orient. And hold empathy for the parts of us that are compulsively trying to fix and change. We do this to ourselves out of love. I wish you more and more self-compassion and understanding. It is hard-won, and precious.

Andy B.

 

Thank you so much. I so appreciate your understanding, support, wisdom and guidance. I have checked out a bit of Alan's program and will look into that one more too. Much gratitude and all the best to you...