Day 7 Day Off. Yipeee

I felt such relief when I read today's program. I am a perfectionist, so of course, I am most probably going to bring that into this program! Last night I spent ages researching on how far to sit from the computer, whether or not certain foods are causing my tension headaches, is it that I need new glasses... Endless questions. In fact, I think that I am a little addicted to looking up reasons for my pain! So taking a day off is good. I agree wholeheartedly with the unpleasant and difficult emotions being uncovered. Right now I feel very sad and drained. Sadness. I would have always said there was rage underneath the surface but right now it feels like sadness. I feel downtrodden and tearful (yes, yes, I know its full moon...!) and I just want to curl up with a blanket and some soft cushions.
Thanks.

 

I'm a perfectionist, too, and it's a double edged sword. On some things, I push, work, nag, worry, and make sure they get done absolutely perfectly (these are things like my job, where my livelihood and the opinions of others are affected). On others, if I feel I can't do them perfectly, or in the time period my brain thinks I should, I ignore them and then feel guilty for ignoring them - that gives me a very hopeless feeling. These would be things like house projects or taking care of myself - things where I am the one most affected. I know these are areas I really need to work on, because they are the major sources of my stress. I can't do everything 'perfectly' so I take care of everyone else first, and myself last if at all. It's like putting the oxygen mask on yourself first in an airplane - even though I feel selfish taking care of myself, in the long run I'm hurting those around me by letting my pain cripple me and keep me from doing things like keep up the house and participate in activities. My husband deserves a less cluttered house (and it's my clutter that is the problem) and someone who can participate in fun activities with him, and I know I'd be more productive at work if I took better care of myself.

In O Magazine this month, columnist Martha Beck quoted neuroscientist Jill Bolte Taylor, PhD - 'When you feel an emotion caused by a negative event, it takes only 90 seconds for the body to process the resulting stress hormones and return to its baseline setting. Next time you're overwhelmed by a terrible situation, dive in for 90 seconds. Don't think - just feel. It will be over very soon.' I'm trying to keep that in my mind, so that when I feel those overwhelming reactions, I know I need to live with them for about 90 seconds. I can do that!

I'm also really sensitive to the full moon. I have some wicked scary and tense dreams during that time every month. I hope curling up with a blanket helped!