DAY ONE - HERE I GO

I am 37 and have suffered back/neck/hip pain and spasms (even wrist pain at times) pretty consistently for the last 15 years or so. Numerous MRI scans show nothing. 100s of appointments with physiotherapists, osteopaths, sports massage, chiropractors, accupuncturists...all give temporary relief at best. Doctors remain clueless and, in fact, quite disinterested. I have twice been referred for chronic pain treatment and was discharged twice with a sort of "Now it's up to you to keep up with the exercises and sitting upright in your chair etc" farewell. I should note that in my teens I was a track and field athlete, 6ft 2 and 200lbs when fit. Strongly built and very fast in a sprint I was a soccer goalkeeper and played at a high level. Due to recurring pain and spasms I stopped competing when I was in my mid 20s. I once left a meditation class in an ambulance due to a back spasm. I started playing soccer again occasionally in recent years but I have to weigh up in advance how my back is feeling. 2 months ago I was to play a soccer match and collapsed with a back spasm during the warm-up. I ended up in hospital on Morphine. Doctors, physio, heavy painkillers etc followed. Now back mobile again but anxious about playing any sport or doing anything active. Sex with my girlfriend has also become a source of anxiety...anything vigourous makes me nervous about a spasm. Incidentally I have also struggled with anxiety throughout these years. Depression lingered. I have had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and other bad habits as a result. In the last year I have been diagnosed with adult ADHD. Adult ADHD typically comes with certain tendencies...overtinking, anxiety, perfectionism, low self esteem, a deeply rooted sense of worthlessness. I always thought of these psychological and emotional things as separate...until a few years ago a friend recommended to me John Sarno's book "The Divided Mind". I bought the book but put it aside. Now I am definitely at a stage where medicine has ruled out everything and physio and Osteo etc seems pointless. I have turned to Sarno and TMS. What I have read so far rings very true. I am feeling optimistic for the first time in many years. Here I go...

 

Hey Rob, welcome to the forum. It seems you have a good handle on your situation and since the docs cleared you from any illness seems to me its TMS. Goodluck in your journey and stick with it.