Difficulty treating TMS after life-time of success

Hello All -

I am 26 years old, played football, basketball, and baseball all growing up, and played football in college. I am an avid weight lifter, golfer, and skier. I believe I have had TMS almost my whole life. It started in little league when my arm would hurt for no reason which would prevent me from pitching (although I would still play in the infield and my arm wouldn’t hurt). This happened again in high school. It then transcended to my back. The first time I can remember having severe back pain was during a high school basketball season. I went to a chiropractor and it later went away. In college I had multiple TMS episodes - a strange skin condition my sophomore year during football season, chronic back pain the following summer, and then another episode of chronic back pain a few years later which lead me to get a steroid shot due to the pain being so severe. This completely got rid of my back pain, however I started experiencing panic attacks (coincidence?). Since I started my first job out of college I have had a couple of instances of severe back pain, mainly lasting a few weeks and then getting better.

As I am writing this it has been 4 months since my back pain started up again. I have had little relief in the last four months, but like all of the other times in my life, have tried to push through and continue lifting, running, and playing golf. It has recently move from my back to the very low part of my back behind my hip flexor. It is excruciating when I swing a golf club or throw a football. I have read Dr. Sarno’s Mind-Body Prescription many, many times and fully believe in the his TMS theories. I understand that if you do not 100% believe that TMS is the cause of your pain, then the pain won’t go away. I think that is my issue, however I am struggling with ways to fix this. In the past, what has worked for me is just to ski, golf, and lift through the pain and try to resume life as normal as possible.

 

Hi and welcome to the forum. I, myself, am newer to all of this so I am sure members who have been doing this work alot longer will pop on with more support, but to me, what you are speaking of sounds like classic TMS. I would suggest working through the Structured Educational Program on this site. It is free, no sign up required, and has been created by members here who have been doing the work for a long time. Since you know part of the healing is believing that it is TMS and then continuing on with your life, and you are doing that but yet you still feel stuck, the SEP would be a great place to start to help you begin looking towards your emotions more and will walk you through journaling as well. This may be what you are missing right now. You have come to the right place though!

 

You might want to take a gander at "Healing back Pain" His previous book....it was written a little more linearly and goes Problem-solution.....whereas MBP, although it is full of great stuff, doesn't have the treatment chapter until the very back after a lot of info about Mindbody issues.

Your awareness is outstanding. The fact that you noticed stuff like your arm only hurting on days you were supposed to pitch. I had essentially the same symptoms though in reverse order....I got the Hip first and it went into my back after they told me I had a back issue (suspicious!)

That is usually a good strategy but it worked for me in Tandem with spending mornings reviewing lists of anger makers and why they make me angry...and scribbling down observations: stuff like you wrote in your first paragraph.

The more I became aware of all of the anger and realized that what I was aware of was really only a fraction, like an ice berg, the pain left.

Upon reflection, this isn't true... We ALL had little doubts creep into our mind. We get bombed by so much pseudo-science about the back. What you need to find is the TRUTH about you! When the info in Sarno's Book becomes YOUR truth more than the nonsense BS the doctors tell us? That is when the symptoms subside and it is not like taking a pill or getting a shot..it happens while we sleep, while we exercise, while we work...our mind is always moving IF we give it the wheels to move.

If it makes you feel any better, I do all of the things you listed and have for 25 years SINCE the team doctor for the NY Knicks told me I would be disabled the rest of my life.

Read the literature...Look inside...keep looking. Ask questions. "You will know the truth and the truth will set you free"..from pain.

 

Welcome @Skiier1440!
I am seeing this disconnect with how you're describing what happened to you over the years.
You've had symptoms show up to all of your athletic pursuits, going back to Little League and extending past college. And, these symptoms have caused major issues. You were forced off the pitching mound, had severe pain on the basketball court, and recently it's been excruciating pain when you golf.
Yet, the thread title mentions "a life-time of success" and you mention that what worked for you was to just stay active ("ski, golf, and lift") through the pain.
I'm not saying you haven't been successful and am not trying to minimize your ability to work right through pain. It's impressive that you can do that at all.

It's just: Are you downplaying how debilitating these symptoms have been in your life?
And, if you're buying into the TMS theories, then letting the strong physical focus drop away seems really important. What's been happening in your life emotionally and with stressors and maybe possible repressed stuff--what's the reason that your brain needs to present this pain distraction/deception?

Finally, it's amazing how many sports and athletic pursuits you've gotten involved with. You deserve full freedom to keep going. Do the work and let go of these ridiculous symptoms!!
Be well.

 

I love seeing a young man with such a high level of self-awareness in this area. I think as men we too often "grin and bear it" or are influenced to just "tough it out dude" - and especially not look inside to our feelings and deep-seated insecurities. You're way ahead of where I was in my 20s!

Agree with @Baseball65 , you absolutely do not have to have a 100% rock solid conviction in the "Sarno method" for this to work. I still have doubts to this day that I am constantly trying to quell - instead, I think you need some small victories strung together to damp down all that disbelief. Nothing bolsters the confidence likes success afterall.

And FWIW, here's some things that work for me:

- Reading this forum and the Success Stories forum (especially for threads for your specific condition - should be easy to find back pain examples!)
- Creating evidence sheets - Pros and Cons for why/why-not it's TMS
- Listening to Podcasts (I like the "Mind and Body Fitness" one by Eddy Lindenstein, he's kind of a "bro dude" like it sounds like you are - maybe you can relate )
- Reading and rereading the Sarno books.

Good luck!

 

Skiier1440

I agree with everything written here so far. I would emphasize this:

There is a pattern of people having success, then having symptoms return, and this often points to the need to do "deeper work" --that is, more psychological. Whether this is journaling, seeing a therapist, using a coach, doing the SEP, etc., the call from your mindbody, from your inner guidance may be to do deeper work. Acknowledging and feeling, exploring difficult emotions, and emotions which come up in relationships: rage, sadness, etc. We all tend to avoid this unless we have to, because it challenges our familiar sense of self. It is not comfortable. It is more challenging, or a different kind of challenge than belief or pushing through.

Good luck in your pursuit!

 

Andy- yes there is a pattern with people having success and then having symptoms return. Sometimes for me it takes having to see a doctor for the symptoms and then being told it’s chronic ‘whatever’ pain and there’s not a structural reason, therefore nothing that can be done. Which is always such a huge wake up call that screams, it’s TMS!! Thank God! It’s happened twice in the last 7 years and I bring myself back here and get back to work.
The SEP and journaling are always beneficial, although my brain resists the journaling until we get into it, then it’s a work out for the pencil sharpener.

Thanks for your input.

 

You're welcome Rinkey. Question regarding your experience, if you're willing to share. Do you think the thesis that return of symptoms or new symptoms is a call to "go deeper" bears with your experience? Is this what the journaling is about? To go deeper? Or is is more of a return to self-awareness that you've forgotten to practice?

 

Andy- happy to share what’s going on with the new symptom imperative! It’s a very strong call to journal and as Howard suggests, write letters that I’ll not send. And also a return to writing rather than having endless conversations in my head with things that have created rage within. You know how sneaky tms can be, and also very blunt in getting ideas across to you one way or another.
Mine have reminded me about pain in the neck and also gut reaction… can’t get any plainer than that. The gut pain is resolving faster than I thought it would with the SEP and journaling -letter writing and the fun of slowly ripping the pages apart at the end!!! Thanks for asking, your question had me thinking and I appreciate it very much.