Dilemma/advice

I had back surgery that I regret. I’m angry I went through with it. I came out worse with more pain possibly herniated new discs. I’m not willing to do another surgery and trying the TMS method.
I have a follow up with surgeon in a week. He’s probably going to send me for an mri. I just have a terrible feeling my spine looks worse then before surgery. My dilemma is Should I get the imaging to see what my spine looks like just to get piece of mind or just forego it? It could look bad and I would still continue my TMS journey but a part of me wants to know.

 

This is a good question. In the twenty something years I have been doing this I have had a handful of accidents where I had to go to the hospital and get checked out....one in particular where I had severed my thumb and fallen from a second story window.

Knowing that my brain likes to "chew" on diagnoses, I have more than once Forcefully told a Dr. "You can do that test, but I Do NOT want to know the results". That's it right there. Because of protocols, insurance, rules, sometimes you have to get looked at by them, but since we know their answers are biased by the structural mythology, I really don't care about there 'opinion'.

I actually had broken a vertebrae in my back during that fall, but I wasn't told about it until almost two years later when I was having something else looked at...and I never had any pain from it..in fact I worked right through it at my manual labor job.

That's the part of you you ought to be worried about.. that little niggling voice is the same one that will become a devil on your shoulder as you try to recover...if this is based on repressed anger and other unsavory emotions, who cares what your spine looks like? I usually walk out of the room when people discuss their own back problems... I change channels on the radio if there is an ad for a chronic pain center...hearing any of that crap can give my brain a chance to pull a trick.

 

Thanks for the reply. I too get angry when I hear about back issues whether it be from a friend or family member or a commercial. If I see someone with a cane or walker I automatically think that will be me someday which upsets me. I’m wondering if I should just not go to the appointment because I’m angry with the surgeon thinking I was just one of his sucker victims who went for surgery.

How are you doing with your journey?

 

Better than I deserve. I just fought off my first relapse in a long time. THIS time it went after my hip/thigh. The underlying stuff I wasn't paying attention to was Mostly about my strong sense of responsibility to others... Keeping a Job I didn't Like (workers under me and clients over me), Anger about NOT having enough time to play music and treating my Dogs better than myself....GF problems.

Having been through this before I actually never stopped anything, but ramped up my baseball workouts and drills while focusing on what a sorry doormat I have allowed myself to become. I also dropped some accounts (you can't 'quit' when your a contractor) and have allowed myself to goof off and NOT work for a few weeks and it has been MagIC!!!! I also stopped playing white knight and haven't been rescuing any Damsels in distress.

The pain went away in about 10 days when I finally started doing this work again, reading , writing and challenging the TMS with direct activity. ...and since '99, it still works!!! Pain gone, new insights

 

@Baseball65 I really appreciate your posts of late. Yesterday my dad and I attended a doctors appointment to discuss my mum’s dementia and the situation going forward. I stepped in for my brother who had arranged the meeting while mum was in hospital but he couldn’t get the time off work to attend.

All went well. I felt ok about everything. But late last night TMS started up (not even pain but a weird feeling in my mouth. Firm TMS territory). And today the obsession began ramping a bit.

Time to sit down and do the work. Aside from obvious tension regarding mum, there’s financial stress, Christmas looming, my 50th birthday is coming up…