Day 10 doubts

The SEP suggests that I post about doubts and/or aha moments that I'm experiencing right now.

My main aha, as I have indicated in other posts, is the idea that just recognizing that the symptoms are psychologically caused and deciding to reassert control over yourself is astonishingly empowering and seems to be the key to recovery. This is potentially life altering.

My main doubt, as I've also alluded to, is the logical gap (if I could put it that way) between knowing the cause of your symptoms and getting rid of them. I just read Healing Back Pain, and Sarno himself is candid about the fact that he doesn't know why the knowledge cure works. He says it just does, in case after case of his patients. But what if it doesn't? What if you accept that your symptoms are psychologically caused -- really know that's what's going on -- but the symptoms don't go away? After all, why would just knowing that your physical symptoms are emotionally generated cause them to vanish anyway? What's the theory behind that? If the underlying cause persists, then why wouldn't the physical symptoms also persist? Sarno's idea seems to be that the pain mechanism only works when it's covert, when it is unknown to the conscious mind. As soon as it is revealed, its cover is blown, and it can no longer function. That sounds wonderful, but I wonder if it's really true in all cases. When someone has trouble completely ridding him- or herself of their TMS symptoms, the Sarno diagnosis seems to be that they haven't fully accepted the TMS theory that the symptoms are psychologically caused. I'm sure that's true in many cases, but I wonder if it's true in every case.

Today, I haven't been feeling great. It hasn't been terrible, but I've had some of my typical symptoms: dull ache in the lower back (right side, not a spasm), tightness in the gut, listlessness. Is the presence of these symptoms really due to the fact that, unconsciously, I haven't fully accepted the TMS thesis? That doesn't sound right to me.

Of course I know that Sarno also says that you are supposed to investigate your psyche and try to uncover the anxiety, anger and other negative feelings that are at the root of your physical symptoms. But that's a bit of an inconsistency in the theory, it seems to me, because on the one hand he's saying that all you need to do is understand the mechanism and that will make the symptoms vanish, while on the other he's telling us to go deep into our feelings, both current and ancient, and try to find a link to our current physical symptoms. So which is it? Both, I guess, but I find this part of the theory somewhat unclear.

 

Because even conscious thoughts become unconscious...That is why the chapter on Freud and later , the history of psychosomatic concepts is so important.

Sometimes...also , some people have more painful pasts, or the patterns are more ingrained.

Nope. That is why that line from the Poem is so important.."Pity the Heart so slow to learn..." ?

I can asure you, the longer you 'think' this way, the quicker they will leave if you ever have a relpase, but 2-5 weeks was normal...it only take a few hours to understand, but it take the brain time to let go of a strategy it has developed over years...but it does go

 

Yeah, I know I'm still new to this and that I need to be patient. Even the best success stories involve a turnaround that is measured in weeks, not days. I'm certainly not giving up on TMS yet.

But like probably everyone here, I have explored a lot of theories over the years and have had a lot of hopes dashed . . . or, rather, have had the air slowly leak out of the balloon of my optimism about this or that theory or program. That's probably what I fear most: that six months from now, I'll be saying to myself, "Yeah, I was really into that whole TMS thing last summer. Too bad it didn't turn out to be all it was cracked up to be."

Another angle on this whole thing that I don't fully understand: if the physical symptoms are psychologically caused, doesn't that ultimately mean that it's the psychological problem that needs solving? Put another way, if you are having symptoms because there's some uncomfortable thing in your life that your mind is trying to distract you from by sending you pain, don't you eventually have to deal with whatever that thing is -- the job you hate, the dysfunctional marriage, whatever? And if so, doesn't that mean that the real work has to happen at that level, and that just having and accepting the TMS diagnosis isn't enough? In the end, you need to fix your life, don't you? Isn't that the real thing? (And if so, well . . . that's easier said than done.)

 

"doesn't that ultimately mean that it's the psychological problem that needs solving?"
This is exactly why carefully reading a book by Dr. Sarno is pretty essential.
He doesn't ask you to find "THE THING" that's usually not the problem (sometimes it is, but not usually) it is the way whatever you've been through in life makes you think about yourself and how you REACT to things.
When you react, it activates the nervous system and you get into fight/flight.
This can be a bunch of little stressors and how they build up.
The voice inside your head being hard on you.
Personality traits.
Maybe how you tend to not want to feel things.
Sometimes one big event that is very difficult to handle emotionally that gets you stuck in fight or flight.
Usually it's simply a build up of little stressors because you've learned to think of things a certain way and that no longer serves you.
All you need to observe is how everything interplays for you and your stress level. Basically you learn your operating system so you can learn what gets your nervous system stuck, and how you best manage in your life to let your nervous system flow thought all it's states.

 

The voice inside my head that is being hard on me . . . how do I stop that?
The harmful personality traits . . . how do I disable them?
For example, feeling guilty all the time . . . how do I "feel that feeling" and then "let it go"?

Okay, so I observe that self-criticism, guilt, feeling inadequate, etc. get my nervous system stuck and get me into a fight/flight loop. What then? How do I stop it from happening?

 

Love this!!

 

This is helpful, @JanAtheCPA. Thanks for your wise counsel.

 

“The voice inside my head that is being hard on me . . . how do I stop that?”

This is what Claire Weekes is for. This voice is accompanied by anxiety. She is the queen of dealing with it. And, you just keep, on repeat answering that voice gently with “thoughts are not real, you are just a thought”. Eventually you will learn to just stand beside these thoughts and not give them much credence. They can become more pervasive (in my experience) and extend beyond thoughts about you. This is exactly the same process as physical pain. When gently turn away from believing this thought behavior, your symptoms may increase. Don’t distress! Just like some see physical symptoms increase as we confront the TMS mechanism, these mental symptoms can increase. It is a sign of success!!
Imagine your brain as a two year old. When you tell it that life is going to change, it tantrums! So be kind but firm.


“The harmful personality traits . . . how do I disable them?
For example, feeling guilty all the time . . . how do I "feel that feeling" and then "let it go"?”

Personality traits are what makes you, you! They don’t necessarily need to be disabled. You simply observe where they no longer serve you - usually personality traits make us react to things. In time, with lots of practice you will learn to respond to them when needed. Emotions like guilt, never need disabling! They are yours to feel. Let the emotion of guilt simply wash over you. Notice lightly, the subtle ways this emotion may feel discomforting to you and let it be. It is perfectly ok, normal and natural to experience the physicality of the emotion and these sensations dissipate within minutes. You don’t need to think about it or judge it - it just “is”. Learning that there are no good or bad emotions is hard and takes time. Not everyone needs this skill (because they already had it) but if you push away or repress emotions then this is a valuable asset.

This takes time, like @JanAtheCPA says it can take weeks to years. But along this path your quality of life changes. You begin to realize that you have choices, and are not powerless to your brain or thoughts and you are not these things. I learned that thoughts are simply a product of an internal organ: your brain. Thoughts you control are eg. Your favorite foods or color and are "you". Much of thought is just verbal diarrhea, and now that you know this, over time you can change that habit.

The SEP is excellent at helping you recognize what things about yourself you value, and what habits no longer serve you. It takes you through this over time.
There is no rush to do this, no hurry, no forcing, no perfecting the process.. enjoy learning about what a great person you are!

 

Thanks for the thoughtful and thorough response, @Cactusflower!