Day 10 Emotions

The journaling I did today was almost two years overdue but now that it's done, I feel relief. So many emotions never expressed about my Dad's 4 month illness and the heartache it caused our family. But having celebrated a second Fathers Day with him yesterday since that ordeal, I am so thankful and feel so fortunate.
As for today's question to ponder, yes I have been critical of myself recently. I have a job that I love and the position was created for me and I am the only one who does this job in the hospital where I work. I only started there about a year and a half ago and have missed so much time dur to pain. If I am unable to go to work due the pain, then I feel like I am letting so many people down- my boss, my coworkers and most importantly my patients. It has also been a strain financially at times because I run out of sick time and then I get mad at myself because I have also had to use my vacation time. So then if I want to take a day off for pleasure, it might not be possible . A vicious cycle and one that needs to be stopped. That way I won't have to be critical of me!

 

I am so tired of being compulsively dutiful. I am so tired of being the Fixer and so responsible and so hardworking. I am so tired of always being concerned about what other people think. I am so tired if beating myself on the head for minor flaws. It is exhausting mentally and physically. But now i have the tools to help me figure it all out and manage all my numerous physical symptoms.. Keep up the good work Scooter. You are going on an amazing adventure.

 

Thanks Stella! So glad that the tools are working for you and so excited about feeling like "me" again, although it's been so long since I felt like that and I can barely remember it. The good news is that I have already seen glimpses of my own and thanks to all the supportive people on this forum I know there is the light at the end of the tunnel! Hang in there Stella, let me know how you are doing as you progress on yor journey!