Eyes -- help with determining?

Hi everyone,

What helps you hold onto your belief that it's TMS when symptoms are active (currently most of the time, for me)?

So, I had eye issues. I've always been afraid about not seeing, too. Then I was in a terribly incorrect (prism that was unneeded and was making my eyes want to cross, plus overcorrection) pair of glasses for aseveral months, with horribly severe anxiety, depression, insomnia, neck pain, dizziness, light sensitivity, visual disturbances, etc.

Well. Now I've been in a correct prescription (checked and rechecked) for three weeks. I also had a full eye health exam with an opthamologist, and my eyes are healthy.

But my vision still feels weird.

Years ago, when something like this happened, a doctor put me in prism glasses and I felt better for a while. Then it happened again and I did $12K of vision therapy, and I felt better for a while and went back to contacts (no prism). Then this -- I went back to the same doc and he screwed things up royally.

But my new optometrist is absolutely convinced I do not need prism and my current script is correct. Now I'm wondering if I *ever* needed it or if it was all placebo.

Now I am treating this as anxiety (Claire Weekes) and TMS (Sarno/Gordon). But some of the symptoms are SO WEIRD. My eyes get so tired, and things look just weird, and distance can be upsetting...doc says all is normal and my eyes may still be adjusting. I'm dizzy, too. The other visual symptoms (like light sensitivity) went away when the strain of the bad prescription was removed.

Can you help me parse this? Does it really sound like TMS or am I ignoring that I am somehow the exception to the rule of how vision works?

The "bad" optometrist is so much like my overbearing dad that it's really been emotionally challenging for me to fire him. (But I did!)

Gosh, in my writing it out I can see how much sense it makes for it to be anxiety/TMS/continued recovery from the strain. My therapist agrees. But I can't hold onto this throughout the day as the symptoms come.

What helps you hold onto your conviction about TMS and not slip daily back into fear that you're missing something terribly wrong with your body?

I'm reading the books, practicing, and doing Alan Gordon's program on this site.

 

Thank you, Jan. My therapist wants me to journal. I am actually a writer and editor by profession so this makes extra sense. But. Avoidance. I think I have been doing Alan's program because it does not make me journal.

You have convinced me that I need to journal. Thank you for shooting straight.

I have Dr. Schubiner's book, which is full of journaling. I think I'll do that so that I won't be tied to the computer for the program I follow.

I did free-expressive writing earlier today. It helped.

But I can feel that there are still things I don't want to say. I will keep working at being completely open.

 

Or is the SEP the way to go? From what I have seen, they seem similar. What are the differences?

 

Honestly, I'm doing the SEP cause it's free. It gives you a bit of education, stories, and then journaling prompts for each day. I am determined to not spend anymore money on this-between the drs visits and functional dr visits it's ridiculous. One of our TMS personality traits is being a perfectionist. Ignore that perfectionist tendency! There is no perfect way to do this because each of us is different and we will all have our own way of healing. Just start something and see where it takes you.

 

I did Dr. Schubiner's book except for the self-guided therapy thing because, well, I wasn't comfortable doing it at all (especially if someone else could hear me). I enjoyed the various kinds of journaling he guides people through, and the methods he presents for calming the nervous system and it's not dissimilar to the SEP. Just keep doing what you are doing.
The various methods are really just so someone finds something that speaks to them - that they can engage in and do the work. You will most likely get more comfortable with journaling over time. I didn't like it, but did it. Found that my body would try anything to resist it: get itchy, parts of me would "hurt", I'd get suddenly cold and need to get a sweater ... anything not to sit there . Eventually all the resistance faded.

 

Thank you all so much. @JanAtheCPA the most recent podcast episode is about eyes! So helpful. Thanks for directing me over there.

 

This made me laugh a bit because we were thrown back into the office 2 days a week and I've been binging her podcast all day to deal. So much Nicole.