Fear of permanent damage

Hey all,

I’m fairly new to the TMS approach and am still trying to wrap my head around all of it so bare with me. I actually heard about it thru a podcast called hypochondriactor and the physician asked the host “have you heard of the work of John Sarno?” So I googled him. I listened to the mind body prescription in 2 days and then healing back pain twice over the next few days.

I’m a massive skeptic of all things, but I totally saw myself in everything he spoke of. PERFECTIONIST, GOODIST, anxious, angry. The one thing I’m really having a hard time with is that I don’t know how to get over my anxiety of this never ending pandemic and the fear of reinjury. On to that portion…

So I work for a university and last April, we were required to all stay home for 6 weeks while the pandemic was getting out of hand. I’m an electrician and am used to a physical job. Now I was doing trainings and prep work for projects and on a computer all day. When we finally went back to work within a few days I started getting agonizing mid back pain.

Ive been injured more times than I can count and figured this was just the usual, be gone in a little bit injury. It wasn’t. After 2 months I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with a mild tear in my erector on one side. So off to physical therapy I went. This is where it unraveled.

I was told in my first appt “you have low shoulder which means your pelvis is off which means you have a short leg! Here’s a shoe lift.”
I’m an avid golfer and my first time golfing with it I strained my left hip area. Within a month I could barely walk. The pain was terrible. The mid back injury was still there too.

On to another physical therapist. We started working on strengthening the hips and core. I started getting better after a couple months. Went back to golfing again too! Life was getting better. Then we decided to list our house for sale. We found the house we wanted but I needed to do a few projects around ours to sell it. After a few days of sanding and painting my hand started going numb. Then I got terrible shoulder pain. I was diagnosed with rotator cuff tendinitis and a pinched nerve. Then a week of doing everything with my other hand and that arm did the same thing! Then I stopped rehab and tried to rest and heal. Everything got mildly better.

So after a couple months of of moderate pain, I started getting back to my normal work. I noticed my fingers would tremor during very task that required finger dexterous things. Then I started getting forearm pain. Then hand pain that was debilitating. I went to a physiatrist and was given a nerve conduction test. Mild ulnar neuropathy in both elbows, aka cubital tunnel syndrome.

The mid back, hip, and shoulders were doing better so I started walking for my meditation and working out again while trying to keep my elbows straight as much as possible to let the nerves heal. Then I started getting low back spasms and my hip started getting bad again.

This is where I’m at today. No golf, still on light duty at work, scared to do things because I’m afraid of another injury or permanent nerve damage. I know in my heart it’s Tms, I have the 6 tender points, I fit the mold, I have had chronic pain for over a year. I just need that confidence to do things again! I have a job I love, a 3yo son who is my world, and a wife I adore and I’m so afraid to let them down if I reaggravate an injury trying to get back too soon. Any words of advice from you all? My big setback is the nerve conduction test and the fact everytime I start getting better I have a worse relapse than before.

Thanks for taking the time to hear my story and I look forward to the journey!!

 

I can certainly give you advice. I had a nerve conduction test that unequivocally identified nerve damage in my wrists and hands. I was told that the only way to fix it would be steroid injections and subsequently surgery if steroids would not help. Instead of the steroids/surgery, I went full Sarno. I fully recovered, I am now doing whatever I wish with my hands and wrists: pushups, planks etc. Link to my success story is below.

I usually recommend that people check with the TMS physicians to exclude structural damage, but if you are confident that you have TMS, you can proceed with the TMS route. It will not hurt you more, that is for sure.

Beware that setbacks are a normal part of the process. Dr. Sarno calls them extinction bursts. You can get sudden increase in symptoms or new symptoms would appear. Stay the course, continue to meditate and to calm down your fear. Do not put additional pressure on yourself worrying that you let your family down, it aggravates your fear. Proceed with compassion for yourself, but without feeling sorry for yourself. Feeling sorry in counterproductive while compassion is absolutely required in order to heal. Best of luck!

https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/cts-carpal-tunnel-syndrome-crps-dystonia-raynauds-full-recovery.22242/ (CTS(Carpal tunnel syndrome), CRPS, dystonia, Raynaud's - full recovery)

 

Thank you for the reassurance TG. I'll check out your recovery today. Yesterday I went out and washed the car for the first time since injuring my shoulders/arms and it felt really good to do that! Then i went for a short hike in the evening. I'm paying for it a bit today but I know that being sore is part of this and the pain isn't an injury and that's helpful. Setbacks are the hardest part I'm finding out but I will stay the course and keep at it and know that it's part of the process.

 

I could have written your story back in '99 when I got better. The 'hip tilt', the 'tears' the Kid, wife and home, being in maintenance, the trades.... Without belaboring it by addressing every single issue, The 'problem' is in your life, not in your body.

right about THERE

I would have written the same sentence. It was totally unexamined. "My life's great!". If you read "Healing Back Pain" and "mindbody prescription" You will learn of 'perceived emotions' vs repressed ones. Your whole story is in the perceived. If you look closely and shift your attention to those 'non negotiable' discussions, you can and will be just as painfree as I am ...haven't had any issues in years now more than a couple of days here and there....100% healthy, zero restrictions....and still have all of those 'diagnoses'...just don't believe them any more.

...and you will play golf and any other sport you feel like with no restrictions...or shoe lifts, or surgery or any of that crap.

 

man… just rereading that sentence I wrote and hearing you say the same made me tear up. This has been the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. I actually played baseball my whole life and got injured right before my senior season after getting picked to be pre season golden glove winner for our state. Didn’t even get to play. This has been so much harder because I feel like I have so much more weight on my shoulders/responsibility which is exactly what sarno says is the type to deal with chronicle pain. Thank you for reaching out. I appreciate you all who are on the better side for coming back and helping us in the thick of it.

What exactly are non negotiable discussions?