Day 38 Fear

I´m still good. More or less 0 % pain still, with a streak of 7 days. I sense the fear. Just 2-3 weeks ago I had my worst flare up yet since my start in beginning of November. Today is the first day I really reflected deep on that and it caused fear of another flare up. Deep inside I know its fine and I will sort it out, but in this very moment I am very scared. I want someone to take care of me. And I´m sad, tearing up. I don't know why. The sadness is not scary to me. It´s beautiful. The fear is another story. I haven't yet found the same acceptance to it as I have with the sadness and rage. In this moment I can honestly say that I respect myself for being able to feel my rage and sadness and I feel strong in it. But I still don't like my fear. I still can't feel any positive about it. I know I can tell my self it´s human etc. but I don't feel it to be OK yet on a deep level. I don't want to lie to myself about it. It´s still an obstacle.

I have something to work on. I will not back down.