Fearing the Fear

Hey guys,

Noticed recently how I have been starting to 'fear my fear.' Been fearing my symptom and its existence less, but when fear about it does come up I get fearful over feeling the fear. Think this is cropping up because I have gotten better at not fearing the acne as much- even going through what I think might be an extinction burst atm (YA, FUN one with facial acne lol)- BUT when fear does crop up I start fearing the fear out of worry that so long as there is *any fear* going on whatsoever I'm just not going to heal.

I see how this is all a meta bundle of fear / worry / pressure, especially when I can't seem to make the fear go away (even when I do things despite it, it doesn't always go away whilst doing them). I'm getting pretty tired of all this crap so I decided tonight that I'm DONE trying to MAKE the fear go away IF / WHEN it arises. Simply knowing that my fear is a super ingrained, learned feeling at this point and also cannot kill me, I just don't want to wrestle with it anymore. If it comes up and it's there and I'm still moving and grooving and getting out and it's STILL THERE, fine.

Can anyone else relate to any of this?? Thanks so much for listening and support, as always.

XX,
Holly

 

Hi HollDoll,

I can relate and I think your approach is brilliant. You see that you've stacked up fear in the same category as pain, that it is something to be afraid of (because of your knowledge of TMS). You're observing this creates more fear and pressure.

Making emphathic space for fear --holding yourself lovingly when it arises, rather than making yourself wrong for experiencing fear ---this I believe is the right approach. You are seeing deeply into this, and I send you my best wishes.

Andy B

 

Hey Andy!

Thank you SO V MUCH for your kind, encouraging response- I was really reaching out for such, so it meant a lot to read your reply.

Have been feeling a little crazy with all the 'fear of the fear' stuff so it was a relief to know I am not the only one who has experienced that, lol.

Honestly everything you wrote in response was exactly what I needed to hear and I really can't thank you enough. I feel more confident in my approach. I am printing out your response to me so I can have it to look at it when feeling "wrong." Feeling "wrong" in my fear / fear of fear- because I feel like I know so damn much about TMS that I should "do better" at this point- is EXACTLY what I've been feeling, so thank you for putting that into words for me!

THANK YOU KINDLY.

Holly

 

Hi Holly,
Glad my response was so helpful. Here is a link to discussion about Inner Critic on the Forum which you might like. The last entry I give a basic technique to disengage from the Inner Critic, which is part of what you're talking about: being "wrong" about something. You might try this, or pm me with questions.
http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/how-to-stop-self-critical-thinking.18168/ (How to stop self critical thinking?)
Andy B

 

Andy,
That's awesome- will absolutely check out and/or pm with questions, thank you!!!!

 

Hi,

Often this helps me when the fear of fear starts up. I gently begin "noticing" things I love or like. It doesn't have to be anything big, just start to layer your thoughts in things you love. Like: "I love the smell of lavender." "I like the way she wears that scarf." "On this whole street, that is my favorite building."
Even if you are alone at home, just appreciate and say out loud what is good right around you. "The light from this desk lamp is nice." "I'm glad I found socks I love to wear."

I know it sounds simplistic, but it's a positive distraction that calms the nervous system.

Just an idea for you.

Marcia

 

Hi Marcia!

Thank you for the reply. I like that idea, esp considering gratitude and acknowledging the positive amidst suffering has been something I have struggled with a lot. Need / want to incorporate it more, and I appreciate this "small-scale" approach, thanks!