Day 1 fears about repressed emotions

Like a million other people, I read Dr. Sarno's book 'Healing Back Pain' and saw myself on every page. I feel so intellectually convinced that TMS explains, at the very least, my chronic back/neck pain, and perhaps might also explain my TMJ pain, migraine headaches, and unpredictable neurological symptoms (all imaging showed nothing abnormal).

And I have wished for so long that something would come along that describes my symptoms so well and gives me hope for recovery. But while at some moments I'm elated and hopeful and ready to heal, at others I feel afraid.

I'm afraid that I'm getting my hopes up, and that I won't ever be without pain.

I'm afraid that I'm part of the 5% that Dr. Sarno talks about in his book that needs psychotherapy and to express their rage before they can heal. I was emotionally abused throughout my childhood. I have a history of depression, anxiety, and self-harm. I was in a controlling relationship with an older man for several years.

After reading this book and reflecting on my emotions, I've been feeling sort of emotionally unstable. I'm so happy with where I'm at in my life, but I find myself crying at the smallest trigger of an old memory. I've been having strange thoughts about my childhood. I keep having this feeling that old memories are trying to surface, but it's as if they're always just out of reach. I don't know if I should try to let this go, or if I should try to pursue these thoughts further.

I'd really appreciate advice if anyone has been through anything similar.

 

Aurorabore,

Welcome to the forum.
First I suggest you begin Alan Gordon's program here on the wiki. Hopefully you will be able to make a decision about what you want from there. With more information about this journey you might find relief. Maybe you will want to explore the idea that memories are trying to surface with the support and guidance of a therapist. Explore the success stories as they are encouraging and full of help to wellness.

 

Not just related to TMS - psychotherapy is something everyone needs to some degree. We're all a bit damaged. There's no shame in it, if that's your concern. With your emotional and relationship history, TMS wouldn't not be surprising.

You should not be afraid of your rage or your anger, even if it seems overwhelming at times. In a sense, it's who you truly are and our inability to express who we truly are is kinda why we're all on this forum.

Best of luck