Day 6 Fears

Briefly take a few minutes and write down some of your fears. Why are you afraid of these things ?

I remember thinking during one of the first days of the programme where you have to write down three things that make you angry and sad that what I really needed was a list for things that made me scared. It's a long list and it surprises me because I'm not normally a person who is afraid of things. Actually, I pride myself on stepping up to the plate (so TMS personality) and getting things done without blinking. I adapt well, I am confident. There's no time for fear, but since the pain started I've been reduced to a quivering lump of the stuff. This needs to be a list :

I'm afraid of :

• my children suffering or dying
  
  
• my children not being happy in their lives
  
  
• my children being sad
  
  
• not having enough money to pay my salary (I own a private language school)
  
  
• not having enough money to pay for my children's studies
  
  
• not having enough money to retire and having nowhere to live when I do
  
  
• not getting well and having to live in pain forever
  
  
• not being able to live in pain everyday
  
  
• the many, many reforms of this government making it impossible for me to keep the language school open and then what will I do to earn a living ?
  
  
• My relationship failing
  
  
• not being able to sustain a long-term relationship successfully
  
  
• having to take medication for the pain that I really don't want to take
  
  
• not having choices and being trapped in a situation I can't get out of

I don't know why I'm afraid of these things. Maybe because they're just scary things and all have to do with feeling safe, which lately I don't feel anymore. There are just too many factors that are out of my control and I suppose that I feel safer when I can control events, although that's just an illusion and I know it.