Day 8 Feedback and thoughts

I'm 33. Ive suffered severe RSI in my fingers, hands and arms for 6 months now. Horribly debilitating pain that stops me from doing my job and enjoying my hobbies. I know this to be a manifestation of TMS, but fully accepting the diagnosis has been hard. I feel like I'm having a tug of war with my unconscious, and my mind is constantly trying to trick me back into thinking TMS is not what I have. But there is so much evidence to say that I definitely have TMS, I just need to keep this in mind. My brain is clever, it knows how to trick me, it knows how to distract me and it drills down into those vulnerabilities.

It's 2 weeks since I learned of TMS, and 1 week since I embarked on the structured program. I have yet to see any true, profound pain relief but it has not peaked as high as I would have expected, perhaps i'm beginning to take control? I have on multiple occasions had "moments" where TMS has "clicked" or made sense in my mind, and I get an instant rush of feeling to my hands and they feel less numb. The pain comes back, but it's a sign i'm beginning to challenge it. I need to focus on the positives. It's tough to think about anything other than the RSI pain, when its all you feel all day, every day.

I thought once the knowledge had sunk in and I am aware of my emotions the pain would start to lift. But I now see its more like i'm fighting a battle vs my unconscious self and I have both hands tied behind my back. Accepting TMS is achievable and I feel I am almost fully there, but exploring my dark past and various emotions is going to be a mountain. I know I have emotions rumbling down there, locked away. But i remain hopeful. This is just the beginning, the positive signs are there for me to see and I just need to keep working hard.

Maybe one day i'll be able to play a computer game with my son again.

 

Thank you, Jan. I actually made a huge breakthrough today, after reading through Alan Gordon's 21 day program. I simply consumed it in the space of a few hours! However what really struck a chord were the parts around breaking the pain cycle. It really resonated with me, and I implemented some of the techniques today. I have been typing all evening at work and using a mouse with absolutely no problems whatsoever. The pain comes and goes, but I tell myself everything is ok, I am not in fear of the pain, I am empowered by it. I am indifferent to it, it will not stop me from doing what I want to do and I am safe. My hands feel the best they've felt for 6 months and i've been on the computer for hours. How is this even possible? It's because I have TMS and I am starting to win. I still have a long way to go, but I feel relieved and relaxed knowing that what I have is simply TMS. I am optimistic about the future.

I am so happy I could cry Here's to moving forwards.

 

Congratulations on this success, Matt! You are determined, and you will get the results you want - you're doing the work! Well done!