Day 1 Feeling Hopeful

I'm feeling hopeful for the first time in years. I read a book "Personality Isn't Permanent" and in one chapter describes a lady who used Dr. Sarno's book and a "rage journal" to heal pain in her leg that had resurfaced from a traumatic injury 30 years before. I got curious and listened to "Healing Back Pain" on Youtube and immediately connected with what Dr. Sarno's theories are and how they might connect to my lower back pain.

I feel about 80% convinced. I started having acute back pain episodes when I started college. The worst I had it. I remember jumping off a ledge about 4 feet tall and then going to do a workout in my house. I felt some pain with movement but over the course of about 2 weeks, the pain got worse and I began to limp and one day I was in so much pain I couldn't roll over or get out of bed. Every step I took was excruciating. The chiropractor I saw sent me for an MRI where I was diagnosed with a 9mm herniated disc protrusion. I was in so much pain that I accepted a epidural steroid injection shot to reduce symptoms. I went to the chiropractor and PT after that as well.

I haven't been the same since then. The pain has always lingered. I've had multiple flare up episodes. I also am a perfectionistic personality who has struggled a lot with self criticism. My worst scenario happened when my husband and I were still newly married and fought a lot. This caused me a lot of stress. Lately I've been having back pain ever since my baby was born and she's almost 15 months. I feel pain putting her in her crib. I went to group therapy for postpartum anxiety and that gave me some helpful tools for trying to express my emotions, but I definitely feel the need for more work like this.

I still feel caught up in the thought that the herniation I had was almost a cm out of it's "normal" alignment. That sounded big to me at the time. I also work as an X-ray Technologist and have always seen these awful looking diagnoses and thought that people must be in so much pain because of how they looked. I also had some cysts develop at the bottom of my spine after the herniation that I felt certainly this came because of this incident. However, when reading the book, I felt like it made sense that if there was truly a concerning injury, the body has mechanisms to help it to heal rather quickly...so why do I still feel pain after 3-4 years? It doesn't match up. I tried recently experimenting and noticed too that I can bend, pick up my daughter etc and it doesn't always cause me pain, or contort my muscles in a certain way. There are long stretches where I feel no pain at all. I notice I've been very afraid of the pain and wondering when it will come.

I believe Dr. Sarno. I really think I'm going to benefit from this educational series. Please give me hope and connect with me if your story is similar to mine!

 

Welcome @Hotchocolatecup! (I like that name!) You will absolutely benefit from the structured educational program. 80% belief is plenty to start with. You’re in the right place. Have you checked out the success stories? They are very encouraging.

 

The fact that your pain comes and goes definitely sounds like TMS. I'm glad you are doing the SEP. It will walk you through education articles and videos about TMS in addition to having journaling prompts.

 

I haven't read very many success stories yet, but I am excited to read through them!