Feeling very disregulated

Hi everyone, at the beginning of my journalling experience I felt regulated (obviously I wasn't it was just all buried deep) but now about 6 months in I'm starting to feel so dysregulated, it takes absolutely nothing to make me cry and then I just can't stop. Everything feels devastating, everything feel so hard. I feel like I can 'cope' less with my pain even though it isn't as bad as it was 6 months ago.
Is this a good sign that my nervous system knows feeling these emotions is ok?
I dont understand what's happening.

 

Hey Gemma,

First of all well done on 6 months of solid journaling - that is good time in the bank!

I hear where you are at with your emotional sensitivity. In my experience, there were many peaks and troughs in recovery. One of the troughs was skyrocketing emotional sensitivity which makes a lot of sense as I had spent my whole life pushing them away.

I found, and still do, as my layers were revealed sometimes I became more easily upset, my pain increased, and I felt lost. But once this period passed I tend to find that my nervous system knows that I am ok and strong enough to handle these emotions. So in a odd way the darker, more difficult times led to more resilience.

All of that to be said, it sounds like you are going through a normal part of recovery process even if it is really difficult right now. This is a good time to keep focus on self-compassion practices and anything that brings you joy!

 

It's an excellent sign. Your unconscious is trusting you better to process these stuck emotions.

 

Yes you are right there has definitely been many peeks and troughs so far with the pain dancing around from severe to mild and anything in between.

I'd say this is the 1st time of emotional hypersensitivity, I think I've got some fatigue coming along side it too because I feel physically and emotionally drained.

Thank you for your reply. I find self compassion really hard, I try and think 'how would I speak to my 3 year old if he felt this way' it seems like the only way I can figure out how to be compassionate with myself.

 

Thank you, that's reassuring, sometimes trying to see these things as positive can be hard!

 

This is exactly right!
You unwound yourself to the state in which you began suppressing your emotions. You need to learn how to live through them and soothe your baby Id. Crying is good, it is a physiological way of soothing. Meditation is excellent, it is a mindbody method of soothing.

 

Thank you for the info, I do do meditation but not necessarily in the moment, I do try deep breathing in the moment and sending myself messages of safety.

 

I was absolutely there! Disengaged from news, any heavy books (and everything felt heavy!), I’d cry at every song (my job is with music, so tears all the time). You are finally allowing yourself to fully feel it. I do believe this is simply part of your nervous system getting back to where it needs to be. It’s practicing being in that heavy place and you being ok with being there. Eventually it will begin to move through it’s states, and you will notice how remarkable that is now that you can notice it’s shifts.

 

Thank you, this makes so much sense, one minute I'm driving singing a long to the radio the next I'm crying, music and basically anything slightly emotional online and that's it I'm crying. I try and be compassionate with myself in those moments, taking deep breaths and telling myself it's ok to feel that way.
It's just good to know I'm not alone in experiencing this phase!