First-Time Caller: Tools and Strategy

Hi,

I'm a 38-yo dude in San Francisco with a lot of widespread pain that I'm convinced is PPD. I just joined. I wanted to introduce myself here, hoping to find a couple people with similar backgrounds.

Does my background remind you of anyone I should compare notes with? What would you advise me? The common refrain seems to be: None of the available tools are foolproof and it's yet another game of trial and error.

Here, first, is My Story:

As a child, I was "easy" and a stellar student. I didn't register much fear and my family environment was decent, except for a parent that could get angry with and be pretty verbally abusive towards the other parent. When I moved from Bulgaria to the US for college, I was unprepared: I had a really tough time my whole freshman year. Culture shock, loneliness, nasty depression. In the spring, at age 20, I noticed pain for the first time. It was mild genital pain, and it appeared exclusively in this specific context: Sitting in the library trying to study, burned out, and trying to focus. I think the story so far should theoretically get me most of the way towards good theories and sustainable solutions.

From then on, things were up and down for years until I got severe pelvic pain, which was followed by spreading of the pain to more or less my whole body. More about my emotional struggles that went on as my pain developed below[1].

Today, it's been about 8 years of the pain spreading, and 3 years ago, I first heard about TMS and read Sarno's The Mindbody Prescription. I didn't invest much effort beyond reading the book for another while.

In the spring of 2023, in the midst of a bad benzo-related insomnia, I started attending group energy healings with Cornelius of Coherence Healing, and I would cry through most sessions. I thought to myself, begrudgingly: "Clearly time to revisit all that Sarno mumbo jumbo". In Dec 2023, heard about PRT, read The Way Out, and started exploring the TMS and TMS adjacent world in earnest.

Tools:

It's been 4 months since then. A few of the more minor problems might have improved(!), although my worst areas are the same to slightly worse. These are the tools I've been using so far:
- crying sessions - a simple protocol that leans into therapeutic crying when I recognize the need for it
- expressive writing (based on Schubiner and Hanscom's books)
- somatic tracking (based on The Way Out)
- therapy - I did ~10 sessions with Vanessa of the PSC.
- mindfulness meditation - breath-focused - learned long ago with Headspace
- better temperature regulation - has resulted in improved sleep
- comedic writing

Principles:
Shedding fear, playfulness, belief, outcome independence, seeking sensations of safety (among friends, a romantic partner).

Meditation -- or simply closing my eyes and resting -- had been helpful for my pain since early on, but I was missing the key component of removing fear. I did a 10-day silent meditation retreat (per Goenka vipassana centers) and didn't keep it up afterwards because it didn't radically help in that 10-day period or anything.

Integration:

I've been trying to get back into normal life, but of course, the devil's in the details. In particular, it's tough staying in a good mood when even a walk outside is not an option; finding a life partner was tough when I had no pain, let alone now. Living costs where I am are high and I have a growing sense of financial anxiety. Anxiety about getting old.

That said, overall I'm feeling very optimistic and in a great mood, as long as I manage solid sleep, which is hard often as the weather warms up and as I perform a slow taper off long-term benzos (for pain).

1: A bit more color on my story in terms of emotional experiences that turned into pain:

I was much better soon, but as I moved states again to work a stressful tech job, I would occasionally experience the same pain. A few more years of lonely depression followed, except now I was also for the first time ever, not excelling at my main thing, as I had interviewed at a higher level than my actual experience.

The pain would pop up at times of stress and pushing too hard, and I had started to catastrophize. "If I don't do well, I may get fired, and if I get fired, I may get deported." Etc.

3 years into that job, things started to improve. I'd made friends and was able to take a long break, but, in short, I think I'd been on the treadmill for too long, and my pain started getting worse and spreading. By 30, I suddenly found myself at my work desk one day unable to sit and tolerate my pants at the waistline.

At that point I got really freaked out and started down the whole circus tour of the medical system, first as a pelvic pain patient, and eventually with pain all over the place, with my feet being the most difficult thing to manage.

 

You are doing all the right things. But why not 'outside' ? I don't know where you live but wherever it is - if you can walk to a place with trees/shrubs/flowers - in short - a bit of 'nature' - it could be really soothing for your soul. Just try it - a little time each day - try and get involved in the nature around you - the scent of flowers, the feel of a leaf, watch a caterpillar slowly make its way up a plant.... We live in a human 'overlay' - the natural world - of which we are a part - is right there underneath it..... waiting for us to notice. It can be powerful - we just have to try......
Besides - you won't get to meet anyone cool staying at home.....

 

Thanks for the encouragement. Tough to access from my neighborhood. For years my escape was 2x daily walks outside, but since my for pain became the main thing, it's been difficult to do. I go to the nearest park as often as I can to walk on the softer grass. Lately been sitting on the benches instead. It's the most depressing thing in the world to not be able to walk by myself or with others.

 

OK! A related question is: How does everyone know what tools to use and for how long in the absence of obvious rapid improvement in pain?

 

Drop a timetable of “how long”. Nobody knows, and you’ve gotta start getting your mind and mindset in a place you are confident you can do this and are already doing it. You’ve already identified that you create a lot of internal self pressure and that creates a lot of internal rage you might not recognize. Perfectionism is sneaky.
You’ll need to learn more about anxiety and choose where you are going to place your mind.. on things you can’t control? Getting old? Out of your control! Living a fulfilling and meaningful life as you age: that’s something you can do, if you choose. As for a life partner, it may or may not happen, but then again, you need to decide how much you’ll let that affect your peace of mind and quality of life.Lastly, as you journal, don’t forget to look into the things you think are going well and the people you think you are ok with. Sources of rage can lurk in unlikely places.

 

@DrEpicBossManGuyPhD, I have somewhat of a similar story—a lot of symptoms all over the place, and also I’m unable to walk right now like I used to. It is extremely depressing. I feel for you! I’ve only been on this wiki about a month. And like you, I wanted to find the answer on here—all laid out. But what I’ve learned from all the amazing gurus in here is:
1. It’s possible to heal
2. It will take a lot of hard work
3. There is no one formula to healing. Every journey is different. You have to find your way.

Stick around. This wiki is better than any book I’ve read yet—except Sarno books. Search topics. Read what people suggest and draw from the resources mentioned. There is tons! Don’t give up. There is hope.

You might want to try the two free classes on here. The Pain Recovery Program and the Structured Educational Program.

Good luck!

 

Yes, thank you, @Diana-M. What's your regimen like these days? By the way, the past couple days I've been able to walk a bit on my old insoles, which helped a lot for a couple years until they became intolerable. Pretty happy about that

Also starting to explore the forum. I really believe in patient communities and what you mention is what I've learned too.

I actually wasn't the biggest fan of Dr. Sarno's The Mindbody Prescription, the only one I read, which I realize is an unpopular opinion here, but I think that book (and presumably his others) would've worked better in earlier decades. I liked Alan Gordon's book a lot and highly recommend it. Also read Dr. Hanscom's and one by a patient called Tamara Gurin, a former forum member -- liked those too.

 

Tamara is still around if you need to ask her any questions about her book @TG957

 

My regiment is: watch a Dan Buglio video every morning on YouTube. Then do the daily dare in the DARE app in the AM and the meditation in the PM. Dan focuses on bringing down the mind’s perceived danger. And the DARE app focuses on anxiety. TMS, for me, is a form of anxiety. I also do some EFT tapping with the help of an app. Then I do a lesson in the TMS wiki structured education program and surf the wiki at various times throughout the day. But, my biggest thing right now is trying to focus on having a fun mindset. Trying to feel like TMS is irrelevant—my life is still awesome.

The Divided Mind by Dr. Sarno is his last book, and it covers all sorts of symptoms. It’s a good read. It’s what I read first.

That’s great you were able to get out there and walk!

 

Yes, I am still around and answer every question people ask me on this forum. You can also check out the website where I post on my blog jointly with @miffybunny defeatcrps.com. The site is specific to CRPS, but everything on it applies to every case of TMS.

 

@TG957 I read your book and it really helped me! I will check out your blog. Good to know! Thank you!

 

Thank you, Diana! My best wishes to you!

 

Thanks for taking the time to write the book, @TG957! If I'm interested in reading more individual recovery stories like yours -- besides the trivial "read a Sarno book and felt better within days" -- what do you recommend?

PS Randomly also interested in how complicated it was to add the audio edition. IIRC, I didn't see one the first time I looked, and more recently was delighted to see it added. I almost exclusively listen instead of reading these days. The generated voice worked better than most voice actors in my experience.

 

Not exactly a 160 pages like my story, but there are some very detailed success stories posted on our Success Stories forum. On the days when I was hitting the bottom, I would go and read those until my mood lifts, if it wasn't for those glimpses of hope, I probably would have quit.

Thank you for checking out the audio! It means a lot to me!
It took me total of about 12 hours over 2 days to figure out the editor, learn how to make it do what I wanted (for example, force the dedication page and the quotes back into the audio version), go through the editing process and publish. Not bad for the 4.5 hour audio. I actually found a relatively inexpensive recording studio and was ready to narrate the book myself, after wasting months trying to do it at home, so I am grateful to Amazon that they saved me another few months of labor. On the negative: Amazon released an update to their AI voice, and changed the pitch and tone of the voices available, so if I want to make any changes to my book, I have to republish with the new 3 voices to choose from, and I don't like any of them!

 

Jan, would be so cool if he actually ends up arriving on the TMS concept, and would be even more cool if you could ask your questions (and I know yours will be excellent ones!) and report on the forum about the experience!