Day 10 Flonase got me

Ugh, I've been having lots of sinus/Eustachian tube issues ad even had an ear infection that needed antibiotics about 6 weeks ago. My ears have not cleared since. I started using Flonase about 3 weeks ago at the doc's insistence despite my worries about anxiety. It helps a lot and minimized the pain, although my ears never reopened. Recently I reduced the dosage...the pain came back, so yesterday I went back to the normal dose.

And then slept very little all night.

But on the reduced dose my sleep have improved.

So. I guess a lot of my recent sleep problems have been from Flonase.

This morning I just told God he'd have to take care of the ears and sinuses because I am not taking Flonase again. And I told my body it's just TMS and it can let me know about my emotions in other ways.

So hard. And I am really dragging...

 

It's like my better brain is telling me I need to stop treating these symptoms as anything other than TMS...no more meds...

 

Feel free! The symptom imperative ride is wild right now. I hardly know where to turn. Just doing my best to follow my better brain. Last night I slept very poorly and today I'm having blurred vision every which way I turn...except when I have clear vision. AUGH. I wish I could really figure out whether I really need readers or not...it's very hard to tell whether they make things better or worse overall!! And of course anxiety is high, but I'm just allowing it to wash over me.

Also, saw the chiropractor (last steps for a structural thing which may or may not have been contributing, who knows). I asked him if he thought the remaining symptoms were mind-body things and although he didn't call it that/TMS, he said "when people have been through something as traumatic as you have they have high anxiety and a very sensitive trigger for symptoms." His solution? "Time."

 

I caved and took a half dose just now. It reduces sinus pressure which helps me see better.

I feel likesuch a failure. I am so low.

 

Now my eyes are clear again and I don't know if it's from the flonase or the crying.

I guess I need to give myself some compassion and realize I can't be perfect. I know crying is good, too.

 

It’s a tricky ride. Sometimes you need meds, even while you know it’s TMS. It takes both for awhile. Why can’t you try the readers? They might help. You have a level of hysteria to you that just really sounds like your nervous system is raw. And time is the answer. And floating through, like Claire Weekes says. It is SO HARD not to be obsessed with symptoms when they are a nightmare taking over your life. (I’m there!) But we have to get our heads onto the psychological—do our homework—and trust God for the rest.

 

This is true. Believe it or not, I'm better than I was several weeks ago! I'm getting into "calming down" stage but the sensitization/anxiety has been soooo high.

This is the trick. I had some success with this later today.
Thank you so much, Diana! You really get me.

 

I definitely have been fiddling with trying to find the right readers both in terms of power and comfort. It's just hard for me to tell because I have a lot of headache, sinus, and facial pain, and I can't tell whether the readers make it better or worse. I think I hit on a good pair last night and did some reading in them. My TMS brain responded by giving me head-to-toe pain nearly all night long, along with the half-asleep confused belief that it was caused by the reading glasses (can't see how this could be possible).

 

Yes. Yesterday we had the fire department come check on an electrical smell in the house (all is well!) and it really reminded me of the day my mother died because firemen were the first to arrive. I thought to myself, "I am going to express these feelings right away." Since my eyes were hurting a lot, instead of journaling I called my aunt and talked it out/cried with her. That was really good but I guess it wasn't quite enough. I also drove to the next city over yesterday in a car I never drive in (because it "bothers my eyes") so those were two pretty big TMS victories, and I am really prone to blowback/extinction bursts after I take a step forward. The pain last night was crazy and I would love to get into better sleep again soon. It's so frustrating because I know I can't control it. When I go to bed I am usually able ot be philosophical and calm about whatever may come in the night but by morning I'm pretty worn out!

I will keep going with the readers. I think if I do my brain will get the picture that they're helpful, not harmful. Same with driving the car and driving the longer distances. I do think the readers reduced some of the tension in my eyebrows -- it's always hard for me to differentiate between sinus pain (allergies are a mess) and tension pain, but either way, it's good when it's relieved a bit.