Foot Pain - Repeat

I was last here a few years ago with foot pain problems which went away after an MRI showed that there was absolutely nothing wrong with the foot. It was my right foot and despite everything being fine for many years, I've always had a 'watchful' sense of it, the big toe in particular.

I work with dogs. It's a wonderful job, but sometimes frustrating, invasive and relentlessly needy. Over Christmas, I had one dog with us in particular who was 'challenging,' and at one point, walked over my right foot. It didn't hurt particularly at the time but after a few days, it became worse and I could hardly weight bear. Hobbling into A&E, I was hoping for an x-ray to show a fracture; that would legitimise the pain. Already, I suppose, my mind was going down that rabbit hole. No fracture appeared. The doctor and nurse even seemed a little pissed off with me for showing what they considered to be 'disproportionate' pain. The doctor even called up my record and asked about the previous MRI. I said, 'I don't know - I'd had lots of strange pain in there for a while.' He nodded. Anyway, they gave me a stiff-soled shoe, probably to shut me up, and referred me to the fracture clinic the next day for another check.

I saw a physio the next day, who squished and moved my toes around. The big toe gave off some pain, but she wasn't concerned. Reviewed my x-rays; again, nothing has ever been seen on any imaging study of that foot, and was happy to discharge me that day with a recommendation to do a few stretching exercises and it should be fine in two weeks.

Two weeks is today. The pain is different, mobile. The big toe joint flared into pain a day or so ago and I couldn't walk at all. I explored the toe, pushing and prodding it; no pain could be felt, only when I walked. There's a general burning sense, a sense of something being different in it, despite me sitting here typing and doing nothing whatsoever with the foot. It feels 'different' to the left, which is well-behaved and quiet - with a couple of little painful throbs which have caught my attention. I talked to them, told them to sod off. They did. The right foot is more entrenched, more a psychological weakness, and very much a natural home for TMS. When I don't think about the foot, it doesn't hurt. I know an infection doesn't feel that way. I've not had a fracture or cancer but I presume that without powerful pain relief, those wouldn't fade easily without focus.

I searched on here last night for people who'd faced far worse battles with foot pain than I; MiffyDuffy's posts caught my attention. I am stopping icing, resting, strapping and stretching my foot as of today. I won't be changing shoes from stiff-soles to unlaced soft trainers to Birkenstocks. I will be walking. I am convinced that my brain is recreating TMS again, in a place where a standard soft tissue injury should be in its dying throes by now, if even present at all. I also have a walking holiday in about three weeks' time, something I've paid and planned for.

Current stressors; ageing mum, ageing dog - I am doubtless raging against those slowly dying lights. A partner with three children who he lets dominate and dictate our relationship. A fear of abandonment. A recent redundancy. Myself entering middle-age, with peri-menopause starting to mount.

Other 'physical' issues I've had; sacroiliac joint pain, eyelid twitch, mid-back pain, frequent urination, acid reflux, depression, hayfever, iliotibial band syndrome, sinus pain - all things that require you to buy in, research, worry, explore, pursue tests that come to naught, alienate people with your all-consuming terror, Google, etc...

If anyone could chime in with some encouragement and empathy, it'd be much appreciated.

Thank you!

 

Hi Sarah,

I think it is helpful to know that ---and its OK--- perhaps you're prone to TMS symptoms. It seems you're doing the right thing to eliminate physical causes, getting this confirmed by physicians, etc. Then look into the emotional, life-changing correlations/causes.

I had a long, terrible bout with foot pain. You can read my success story here, and it might help.
https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/foot-pain-remarkable-recovery.1988/ (Foot Pain Remarkable Recovery)

Sometimes I still feel pain, in different places in my left foot. And I can get caught and start thinking it is physical. But when I catch myself, and inquire into recent events, or my emotional state it inevitably goes away rather quickly. It is also helpful for me to say to myself "of course you have foot pain in this moment, you're prone to TMS, what else is new?" This helps me normalize it, not catastrophize about it, and relax about it. Not have to fix anything is important for my mindbody. When I say these things to myself I come from my own history, knowing it is not physical, and it is short lived.

Your 'watchful' sense might explain so much... and the ultimate cure is your awareness that it is TMS, and nothing more.

Andy