Frustration

Todays task was to consider what I might find frustrating about the TMS journey. I get frustrated that when the pain gets worse it is often due to something physically I do or over do not an emotional trigger even though I try and find what could psychologically be affecting me there doesnt seem to be much there that has caused the pain to get worse.

 

thank you Jan can I give you an example and get your opinion on it then?

I wanted to try swimming as an exercise to get back into and get fit. The pain levels that I am in after many years of it worsening are very high so I decided on a plan to gradually increase my laps. I started going to the local pool and just doing one lap and getting out and going home. I did this over numerous days in a row. I then increased it into two laps and did that multiple days in a row. I was ready to go to three laps and when I did I had a big flare up that lasted a significant amount of time and could not swim as a result of it. I did not have any fear of increasing my laps no any surprised emotions about it or about anything else on the day this occurred. In fact I was looking forward to it.

I even later went back to swimming months later and this time I tried a different style of swimming however it still flared the pain well beyond what it should do.

this is just an example however I would like to know your opinion on it?

many thanks

 

There are many reasons for flairs in this case but most likely your brain is trying to keep you safe from doing hard things. Even the idea of swimming probably scared you before you went.
Anxiety and fear of increased symptoms. Sort of an expectation.
What do you do with that fear, that anxiety. Do you struggle to overcome it? Force your way through it?
Since you stopped swimming for a time, you were most likely avoiding the fear and anxiety at that time.
So now, in the moment, just feel it. Say you get in the pool and it hits you like a ton of bricks. Stop, hang on to the pool edge and feel that wave of emotional sensation. It’ll pass through you in a few moments.
Then swim. Swim one lap if you must. Just one and congratulate yourself. Don’t force or push more if you don’t want to. Do another if it feels good. Get out when you feel done. Not when you must have completed your mentally required laps, just get out when you feel like it.
You can come back tomorrow or next week.
You will become fit again when your mind and body are ready. This TMS work is a lot of hard work, you don’t need to do it all at once and if you keep being committed, you will get to your goals.
Right now, like @JanAtheCPA says, your main job is to learn to stop repressing a good portion of your emotions. Awareness by doing this SEP and allowing yourself to feel all the hard, crappy stuff of a lifetime of repression is a huge task. Start small, work up to things.