Day 10 getting back to living a fear-free life

Yesterday was hard. As someone who was surprised diagnosed with endometriosis about 5 years ago, my period became a very scary and anxiety-provoking thing. Each month, I would wonder, "Is my body betraying me?" "Is the blood going where it's supposed to go?" "Is this period going to lead to another emergency surgery?" So when I got my first period on the TMS journey, it added a layer of stress and fear that I wasn't ready for - and fatigue (I missed a day of the program).

Instead of taking the perfectionist route, I decided that not everything could be solved in a day. I couldn't get to the root of my pain (the psychological causes) - I was irritated about everything - and I decided to simply rest (which ended up being the best case scenario). I read in the program so far that sometimes it's about not making this recovery your whole life and just getting back to living a fear-free life - so that's what I tried to do.

Anywayyyyy, all that to say - I think I'm doing really well. I'm proud of myself. I was back deadlifting and benching the other day. I'm mentally treating myself less as a victim of pain and circumstance and more as a victor climbing to the top of Kilimanjaro (with the right gear/support and fuel, I will make it!).

One of my doubts, though, if anyone can speak to this, is that I probably won't get "THE TMS diagnosis" that these recovery success story patients get. I'm self-disgnosising, and I know this might sound silly, but is this enough - the knowledge that I believe this TMS diagnosis fits me to a T? Can I direct my own diagnosis, treatment, and recovery? It almost sounds too good to be true (and it also sounds and feels correct). Has anyone else experienced this feeling?

My biggest goal, and the pain neuro pathway that has been conditioned for me, is the inability to lie on my back without throbbing pelvic pain increasing to an excruciating level. No matter how focused I am on a mantra, "there is nothing wrong with me," "you're safe," or I try to do a body scan meditation into sleep, I will get anxious that I'm not feeling the pain, and here it will come, building and building out of nowhere.

I know, expecting relief from this after 10 days of treatment compared to 2 years of reinforcing this pain pathway is rushing a bit, but there is also fear behind it that I won't be able to break this pattern. I try to practice lying down every day and hope that one day I'm just going to drift into the best sleep of my life.

Tips and tricks welcome! Thanks for indulging a newcomer, yet again <3

 

I never received a TMS diagnosis from anyone (maybe I got the odd opinion from someone else here and there) and I'd say those who do are in the small minority (90%+ would heal themselves and self-diagnose if I had to guess) - you absolutely have the power and don't let anyone tell you otherwise! The diagnosis itself usually isn't difficult and is obvious once you understand the theory (and have read some of the books + ruled out anything sinister medically which is crucial) and is often best done by the person because you know yourself and your experience better than anyone (and you're the one who has to believe it).

That's not me knocking being able to get a diagnosis from one of the big hitters, because that could only help (I don't diagnose as I'm not a doctor), but please don't think it's a requirement

Caveat: Sometimes, in complex cases and with rare diagnoses, you might need a combination of medical advice and a TMS doctor to make that decision. I always stress the importance of staying safe and not risking your health. That being said, most of the time as long as you have the tick off medically from your physician then it's safe to proceed (and if so, it's usually TMS!).

 

Yes and yes.

That’s actually the trick to all of this. Breaking the fear cycle. Getting to the point where you don’t care. Easier said than done. But possible. Sounds like you’ve got a good start.

 

I had endometriosis. Underwent a complete hysterectomy. The pain left, but then 6 months later I developed Fibromyalgia, which I had for 20 years before finding out about TMS. I diagnosed myself and achieved recovery through using several self-help programs. I put everything I did and all my advice into my Success Story, which you can read by clicking on my profile. You might find something useful there.

Congratulations on your success so far. You are on the right path. It's normal to have doubts along the way.

 

I also had endo, but was not treated until very late in life. It was never debilitating for me even though I had massive pain from it, I was taught it was inconsequential and to just soldier on through. Although I have had TMS since at least 6 years old, things snowballed after my endo surgery. Eventually I ended up with other chronic symptoms.
I never had a TMS diagnoses. During the process of trying to become pain free physically, I found a "pain exercise coach" online. We began this journey together and kind of eventually stumbled on TMS. Seeing myself on the pages of Dr. Sarno's book The Divided Mind when he discussed the TMS personality traits people develop as coping mechanisms was the big identifier.

"Anywayyyyy, all that to say - I think I'm doing really well. I'm proud of myself. I was back deadlifting and benching the other day. I'm mentally treating myself less as a victim of pain and circumstance and more as a victor climbing to the top of Kilimanjaro (with the right gear/support and fuel, I will make it!)."

This is the way! ^^^ keep up the mindset. To succeed you need to find the support inside of yourself and also give yourself grace and peace along the way. Do the things with joy, and victory but without pressure to "must" and "should" - that's the kind of stress that creates TMS.

You are doing wonderfully well. I don't think you need any advice at all!