Getting the hang of it....

I always thought I was a person who was in touch with my feelings. I know what I'm upset and angry and can write it down.
I'm on day 23 - I've relapsed into chronic fatigue syndrome and I'm not feeling good - but today something happened. I was thinking about writing my diary when all this grief came up - I ended up crying like I haven't done since I was a child. It felt safe enough for me to handle but it was a surprise - the depth and length of time it went on.
Once I was able to I wrote my feelings down in my diary - I noticed that I kept looking for distractions so I didn't have stay with the feeling. I made myself stay there for a while - so the feelings were fully acknowledged and recognised. I think my ID just wanted to be heard.
I'm getting the hang of this.

 

great job...the unexpected breakthroughs always take you by surprise. We are conscious of only 5% of our feelings/emotions...95% are unconscious...so even if you think you are a very self-aware person (which I'm sure you are) there is so much more to be understood and felt. Also the feelings that reside in our unconscious....particularly the ID emotions...are timeless. This means that the pain, anger, rage disappointment, fear and shame we feel from past memories are felt with the same intensity as if the trauma was happening right now. When you begin to accept these ideas, you begin to realize the depth and power of these repressed emotions...it takes time to really recognize these emotions. Also sometimes our symptoms get worse (like your chronic fatigue did) right before you are about to have a big breakthrough. So the next time (if there is a next time) that you feel a major setback in your symptoms try to look at as your unconscious' last ditch effort to keep you focused on your body as it senses you are about to make a big leap forward in your understanding of your TMS.

 

Thank you! Update - I've been able to walk without a problem and feel so much better. I know there's more to deal with and it's hard work....but anything is worth it if I can walk down the street feeling normal. I can't stop smiling right now.

 

That is awesome! Keep those feelings...those great, happy, smiling feeling inside your pocket of TMS tools...know that achieving freedom from pain and happiness is attainable...you are healing. The process is a rollercoaster ride and sometimes its hard to see the progress when you are in the middle of it...but it is soooooooooooooooooo important to remember this achievement and pat yourself on the back for all the emotional work you are doing to get here. We spend too much time beating ourselves up...after all...healing from TMS is really about truly learning to love yourself...so love yourself up today....release the fear, release the past....whatever tomorrow brings, be there with open arms and open eyes (from an Incubus song called "Drive")...the truth is right in front of you!