Day 10 getting to know the mechanism of TMS

Hi there,

With a little delay – because of moving to another place – I now have landed on Day 10. In the meantime I have managed to stay calm inside and connected to trust, because I see clearly over and over again that the pain moves around, is gone for hours and then haunting me again, which all are signs that TMS is active.

I find it incredible to know that physically there's nothing wrong with my fingers and hands, although the pain can be so overwhelming now and then. That knowing gives real strength to me, to keep going this program.

Sometimes I see clearly, that the pain is related to 'hot and spicy' thoughts. That's really wonderful, because it makes clear that TMS is active. Often I have no clue though about what causes the pain in that specific moment... Which is may be an invitation to pay much more attention to what stuff and stories the mind is producing during the day? May be I shall start meditating again? Or is that trying to be perfect?!

I have started writing/journaling (following the program), but am still not pushing the right emotion-buttons. As if I am avoiding the real confrontation. Mentally I know a lot about what past and actual issues cause rage and fear, I can tell endless stories about what happened and how I felt and blabla, but it looks like I still need to collect some more courage and really face up to the horrors inside (-:

That's one reason why I am now consulting a therapist too, to help me touch the inner reactions, which are obviously the reason why TMS is knocking on my door again. The other reason is that I feel less alone, and less guilty toward my husband, who has listened for years to my frustrations about our former psychopathic neighbor (-: A coach/therapist feels like wonderful support and that feeds my trust in recovering.

While writing now, I feel some more courage already has been built inside. Curious about my next steps (-:

Thanks for reading,
Lidwien

 

Hi Lidwien,

I relax reading your post. I am glad you feel strength while writing this post.

Getting outside support is a great thing too.

I think the benefit of exploration is less about finding the exact answers, but more about the process of feeling, allowing, exploring. This lessens the tension inside, even without "perfect" insights!

Andy