Day 1 Hello, friends

Hi everyone,

I am starting the SEP today. I read the week 0 material last week and it has already helped me a lot. Even the people around me have noticed I am more easy going, and I can feel it, too, despite the pain still hanging around.

I've been reading about TMS for years now, including this website, some of Dr. Sarno's books, and I even consulted with SteveO once, but for some reason I still had this resistance to change in my mind. And so I kept suffering.

This time around, I am trying to be more open to change and letting things happen and I guess it's already working.

I also started seeing a therapist recently since I have been diagnosed with (complex) PTSD due to a rough childhood, to put it mildly. Anyway, we are doing internal family systems (IFS). I'm not sure if it's helping yet, but I've only been going for a couple weeks. I might be doing EMDR and ketamine treatment, too. Not sure about that yet.

Anyway, with regard to TMS, the intensity of many of my symptoms has subsided over the years, but I still have this lingering, whole body tension and related problems. I especially feel it in my head with these awful tension headaches. Sometimes I can barely breathe because it constricts my nose so much. I also have chronically cold hands and feet, stomach issues, back pain, skin problems, etc.

I have a lot of big goals for my life and the pressure can be crippling sometimes. I want to travel the world and start my own business, but I can barely even handle my day job as a software engineer. And there's not even much pressure at my job since I'm on the bench (we do consulting), but I still can barely get anything done. Although that's been getting better recently like I mentioned at the beginning.

Anyway, I could keep rambling, but I'm sure more will shake out as I go through the program. I just wanted to say hi and "finish my homework," so to speak, for day 1 by posting here. So... hi!

 

"I have a lot of big goals for my life and the pressure can be crippling sometimes."

Oh, there you go! Thinking psychologically!!
How can you flip the "pressure" switch to have goals, but not be stressed about attaining them? What are the stressors withing the "pressure"? Timing? Accomplishing? doing it all "right"? etc etc -

"but I still can barely get anything done" - in who's eyes? Who says you under perform? What is the measure of getting things done or perhaps "success"? Think psychologically about this.

You aren't rambling, you are absolutely beginning to do the work and gaining insight, and do not need to apologize for it at all. It's excellent, and only day 1!