Hello I'm new

hello everyone, this is my first post here. I am very excited to have found this forum, read other peoples stories and advice. I have recently read Dr John Sarno's "The Mindbody Prescription" and feel finally I have hope, which I haven't felt for sometime. I have had odd symptoms that have come and gone over many years till probably the last 4 years it has become unbearable. Four years ago it started with chest and upper back pain, then I developed reflux that I was never able to get relief from. No medication helped and all my medical tests were normal. Previous to this I had been stressed for many years and the months leading up to this were particulary stressful. But physically I was very healthy and I couldn't understand why I developed these symptoms so my stress grew and grew. My doctors had no answers just meds that never worked and after going from trying chiro's , natropaths , and finally physio. I had this for about a year and the reflux began to settle, then I started to have aches in my right knee and leg it was constant and then I developed anxiety and horrific insominia . I truly felt like I was having a breakdown. This too lasted about a year , although I still have anxiety . As the insomnia started to settle, my aches and pains came back and worse as well as hip bursitis My anxiety lead me to develop many fear avoidance behaviours. I associated certain movements or simple things like walking up and down stairs , chairs I sat on to be a reason for my pain, and many more . Last year I saw a surgeon , who ordered many tests ,and everything was normal. He told me I had to live with this pain and to see a psychologist. This was a turning point for me , although I did not think my stress was the cause of this pain. I went away and began to say to myself that nothing was wrong and I took up swimming , and my pain levels dropped. But then a couple of months later someone very close to me died and not long after all my aches and pains came back . No matter how much I told myself nothing was wrong my pain didn't budge. Somehow I came across Dr John Sarno and his book was me to a T. I am a perfectionist , a goodist, overthinker and yes I believe sitting on a lot of repressed anger. Though everyone would think I am calm and serene especially under pressure . Since the surgeon had examined me with many many tests, I know I have TMS. Over many weeks I am trying to do more and more normally again. And my pain is starting to calm down. But my biggest stumbling block is my fear . My fear avoidance is so strong I am having difficulty with how to over come it. Particularly stairs my knee feels so weak and can still overthink the pain . I have started to SEP on this forum which I find very helpful. I live in Australia and I don't believe there is any TMS doctors or therapists here . But I am thrilled to join this forum .

 

Hello and Welcome Calmandserene,

You have a great history and understanding to support your own diagnosis of TMS. Here is an article on fear which I like.

http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/understanding-and-overcoming-fear.8574/ (Dr. Schubiner's Blog - Understanding and overcoming fear)

Over time using mindfulness, self-compassion, awareness of fear, and learning to feel the feelings that may even be below the fear ---all this will come to you. With success also comes less fear...

Andy B

 

Thank you so much for the link. It was good timing. Today i drove my friend to the hospital for radiation treatment and we had to park in the surrounding streets which can be quite hilly. Walking up and down any slopes is a trigger for me as i associate it with increasing my pain from the hip burstis. I couldnt say anything and had to walk it and inside i was freaking out. Negative thoughts here i go again the pain will return etc. So the link you provide was what i needed to read. Thanks

 

Welcome! I could feel your hope and remember how it felt to know there was support here for real change!

Keep coming back to us.

I sometimes am guilty of using TMSwiki as an emergency room instead of a weekly or daily pitstop, to insure health. I meditate and do yoga/pelvic floor/mindfulness practice so sometimes think I am immune to relapse. Been doing. Indbody work of one kind or another half my life!!

Yet, here I am on vacation and I awakened night before last in excruciating pain, reminiscent of the exact spot I had pain in the south of France years ago... which lead me to surrender and actually read Healing Back Pain, getting Dr Schubiner's workbook (and answering the questions!), seeing Dr. Schecter and confirming TMS, for real.

This time when the pain arose, I did a meditation I found here...for soothing ...and had a good cry. The week before vacation had been just TOO BIG for me to digest. I fell off my young horse - he bolted on trail - and I got injured. Then, my older horse colicked five days after my fall and was hospitalized. I wailed with grief but...my body was still crying. The vacation gave me space to collect myself and the pain was the signal to STOP and LISTEN. When we do, the pain often melts away.

We have a gift here, and there is work involved but the alternative, the pain, is a great motivator to face what I call our "reprehensible selves" with openness and honesty. The unconscious says we must not be vulnerable, but here, we have choices to listen to the pain and go deeper.

May you stick around for the Big Awakenings we get to have, together. As someone said on this site, there is a WE in WEllness...

All best wishes,
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