Help needed - confused and overwhelmed

Hello from Italy!
I am looking for some support and advice here because I feel a bit confused and lost. Probably many of you have gone through this so I thought it was worth trying.

Quick background: 1.5 year of pelvic pain, under opiods, tried everything, nothing worked. I read Healing Back Pain, Back in Control and Unlearn your pain a few months ago, I was fascinated but still not totally into it. Approx. 3 weeks ago, I went back to it and suddenly everything seemed to make sense to me. I started reading The Mindbody prescription, I resumed going to the gym despite the pain and felt great; the second week I began exploring the TMS world, I bought the Curable app, began following the TMS wiki program (I am in Day 8 now) and Curable, got rid of my sitting cushions. Pain came down maybe 50%, with some very good days. I was enthusiastic, confident and optimistic.

This week has been worse. Since Monday the pain has come back (I can't say how much, I try not to measure it too much and there have been better and worse days), and I work alone at my pc, so ignoring the pain when I need to work and I am in pain is not so easy (I speak to my brain, I have the reminders, but still...).
I discovered so many TMS resources (Videos, podcasts, meditations) that I started to feel confused - should I really do book reading, TMS wiki program, journal writing, meditation, etc everyday? I got almost stressed to be doing the work, so I stopped and let go a bit, but I still don't know how to go on. Also, two days ago I cut the opioids dosage by half (talked to the doctor first) as my intention is to stop taking them, cause I feel I no longer need a medicine to control my pain, but boy it's hard.

Maybe I am doing too much too soon? Do you have any advice on how to proceed and get some order in my plan and in my confused mind?

Thank you so much for any help you will give me
Elisabetta

 

I understand where you are coming from! So many theories.. but with TMS there is no one answer as to exactly steps to do or how much to do. Sometimes I mediate one time per day. Sometimes three times when I am very stressed. For me one meditation and one activity like Somatic Tracking (or another somatic exercise) is good. I journal almost every day for 10-20 minutes. Some people need twice a day. As you attend to the TMS work you attend to the pain so try not to obsess over the work because often TMS personality needs to “fix” or “do it perfect”. I read a few pages and try to digest and think about how it applies to me a few times a week. Go slow! TMSWiki program leads you to do some journalling. Read a John Sarno book or Alan Gordon’s great new book The Way Out. I like this book because his humor and the simplicity help take away self pressure. I understand the pressure, I do this myself! The work is to reduce your self pressure, be kind to yourself, take your time. There is no right or wrong. Experiment to see what most helps you. If journalling does not help, don’t do it! If meditation is not helping try Somatic Tracking.

 

Hi Cactusflower, thank you! I have taken a break over the weekend from the wiki program and only did what I felt like. I meditated a couple of times, I finished Sarno's book (will start Alan Gordon's next!) and explored my emotions - I uncovered some childhood situations that still have an impact on me today and cause a lot of rage. Now, one question. Apart from the glorious first week when I started the program and the Pain had come down, it is been up again for a week now. My pain does not come up, it's always there (always has been like that), it may get worse or a tiny bit better at times during the day but it's just there. So when Sarno and everybody else say "when the pain comes up, talk to your brain, meditate etc" - well how can I do it? I should be talking to my brain or meditate or repeat Sarno's reminders all day long...

 

I guess I would say - do a little of both. You're simply retraining your brain that the pain isn't dangerous.

A few thoughts:
- Be kind and good to yourself.
- Do the techniques from a place of joy and enthusiasm.
- Don't place pressure on yourself to "get it right" or needing to "do it all now".
- It's a process and it takes some time. Enjoy the journey!

It seems like you're doing a great job.

 

Thank you! Will try to be joyful aND kind to myself!

 

My Pain was 'there all the time' the first time I did this work. What I did was went for walks in pain thinking about all of the stuff I had read, really trying to sort out while I was walking , what sort of things were making me angry that I wasn't aware of AND the ones I was aware of. After walking for miles and miles I had a flash of insight...I never walked until I got 'hurt'...so I ran as fast as I could across the field I was walking around. The pain did NOT go away, but it broke my unconscious fear of being hurt (the docs had told me I could be paralyzed is I ever ran again) And I quit those stupid walks and started riding my bike and lifting weights and all of the FUN stuff I used to do

Yeah... you young people and your freakin' apps and phones and crap. READ the text of the books. Non-stop...until you know it by heart. Keep your own notes...anytime You have an 'Aha!' scribble it down. And do the daily reminders once a day and don't make it a ritual... it's like a paragraph long. Sarno said to take 15 minutes? I did 5 and got bored, but I did it.

also.. do NOT talk to people in the regular world who don't understand this, and don't read crap on this forum....Most people come here when they have a problem... I stay OFF the forum when I am having a problem. Doing the SEP might be a little helpful, but for god's sake don't listen to other people's gripes (mine either!)

you'll get it.. be patient and tough and you will win

 

This is a fantastic advice, and I can only add to it that you need to understand that we are "blessed" with a TMS personality, which means that we tend to put undue pressure on ourselves, to catastrophize, to be perfectionists. So, what looks like a normal amount of effort to you is actually more than average person out there would consider normal. So, loosen up, do less, be patient and do not set a timeline. Even if you think that you are doing something only 50% "right" (I put it in quotes because right or wrong is very subjective when it comes to re-wiring your brain), you are still doing well more than 50% right and will eventually get where you need to be!

 

I totally understand and relate to the symptoms getting more acute when you first start realizing it's TMS and start working diligently on it. Good news is, they will eventually subside. Some people have instant results, but most of us it takes weeks if not months for the unconscious to truly 'let go' so, don't panic!