Help please

Hello everyone, I've been dealing with fibromyalgia for 15 years, and I'm constantly getting injured. Things were much better for the past two years with just shoulder pain. In December 2023, I experienced a huge amount of stress and severe sleep deprivation. After this stressful period, in January, I started experiencing severe pain in my jaw, eye, and trapezius muscle. My pain always stems from muscle contractions, all the time, without exception.

I discovered the TMS program in early February and read Sarno's "The Mindbody Prescription," which was a revelation. However, I have some questions. I've noticed that sometimes I feel extremely sad or angry since starting the program—these are my two main emotions. But the next day when I wake up, I feel nothing at all, just apathy. I've always noticed this pattern, and afterward, I experience pains here and there. It's like my mind is trying to divert my attention. So, the only way I've found to cope is by talking to myself, telling myself that it's not dangerous to feel sadness or anger.

Last time, a customer insulted me at work, and when I got angry, I felt all the muscles in my jaw tense up, leading to severe muscle contractions afterward. My question is, what do I do now? I know my mind is diverting attention, and my pains keep shifting all the time. Should I stop being perfectionist and benevolent with people? I journal everything, and everything seems to revolve around sadness or hatred since my childhood. Feeling these emotions is really exhausting for me, but I want the physical pain to disappear. What more can I do? I need help, please.

 

Sometimes it takes reading the book a few times (or parts of it) to get your mind to really accept all the new information, and accept it’s reassurance that we are fine, just holding in stress and tension in our minds and bodies which causes physical symptoms and anxiety.
Don’t worry about the tension. It will ease when you can accept and process that you have big emotions - and that anger can co-exist with love, guilt, shame.. anything!
When you experience an emotion, it passes through the body in a short time - emotions are physical sensations. When we block the sensation we can find it creates physical tension. When we don’t process it, we cling to them and get “stuck” in what feels like a mindset of anger or shame etc. Are you experiencing apathy or are you processing your emotions? Food for thought!
When you are journaling, are you able to be totally candid and vulnerable at times? Accepting the rage, feeling the physical sensations of it and noticing what other emotions come with it? How the situation made you feel about yourself?
When a customer insults you, can you recognize that they are probably just angry and it may not be you they are really angry with? Can you see how at least sometimes you do not identify as a person with what they are saying? The “benevolence” may be people pleasing, a common trait with TMS folks.
You mention finding yourself identifying most with anger and sadness.
I think it’s common to feel stuck here - the mind is actually protecting you from the “good” emotions. You might want to journal about why feeling joyful, content etc is so difficult. Sarno instructs us to get back to life as the main part of his “prescription” - not only to move our bodies and see we are safe to do it, but to be engaged with people we love doing things that help us embrace all facets of life so we have opportunity to feel the expanse of emotions. It simply takes time.
This program will explain much of it as you work through day by day. The most important thing is to participate here with a curious mind - cultivating a sense of awe and wonder about how the mind and body works. Finding ease in the fact that you are ok! Your nervous system is stuck in overdrive but eventually, you’ll be able to move through all states of your nervous system again, and clients still might fire you up, but you’ll be able to let that anger dissipate in your body and hold less tension. It takes time.

 

Alors, quand je ressens une émotion, c'est souvent de la tristesse ou de la colère. Je ne ressens pas d'émotions positives comme la joie ; quand ils arrivent, je les bloque. Par exemple, au travail aujourd'hui, j'avais envie de pleurer parce que j'avais très mal partout : sciatique, raideur de la nuque et de la mâchoire. Je ne pouvais pas me permettre de pleurer au travail. En quelques minutes, j'ai ressenti une énorme douleur musculaire sous le pied qui m'a fait boiter pendant trente minutes. Je pensais que c'était mon esprit, et ça a disparu (la douleur), mais tout au long de ma vie depuis l'adolescence, j'ai toujours réprimé mes émotions parce que cela me causait beaucoup de douleur, souhaitant même ne plus les ressentir.

 

I had regained control, but the anxiety in December was such that it really hurt me physically, even though I resolved the cause. My main concern today is the pain itself. I think I've come to terms with everything that has happened in my life, but when the pain returns, I can only manage it with hatred, rage, and anger, otherwise I collapse...

When you mention rage or Sarno, are you referring to hatred and anger? I don't quite understand this term... If that's what you mean, then yes, I feel a lot of it, almost all the time.

I thought it would get better by delving into my mind, but for now, pains that had been gone for over two years have returned for no apparent reason. Is this normal? Is it the brain not wanting me to delve deep within myself to find what's wrong?

I'm sure it's a TMS because I'm a perfectionist and have always suppressed my emotions... But what more can I do once I've found this emotion...? Talk to my brain?

 

Rage is that very primitive anger: is id the type that makes us want to lash out, yell, scream, tantrum -much like a two year old child that does not get its way. We almost all repress this sort of anger as society usually sees it as inappropriate if acted upon - and our minds tend to label it as “wrong” or negative but it is perfectly normal and absolutely acceptable to feel it in the body as an emotion.
Your anger to symptoms is a distraction from your true source of rage or emotion - another form of repression not letting your mind recognize the true reason for your suffering.
If you are turning your anger towards yourself, and being perfectionistic with self-pressure then your subconscious is most likely very angry and in rage at this.
If your main concern is the pain, then I suggest you read Sarno again. You must understand and accept what TMS is, and what the true source of pain is to be able to feel better. It is not to find out what is “wrong” for Dr. Sarno tell us that this is a deception - there is NOTHING wrong, but our mind thinks there is. You basically need to re-set your mind, your thought process, your mindset to this way of thinking.
Being hard on yourself, perfectionistic, full of hate and anger says to the mind that there is something very wrong so you can not have peace. This is living in constant anxiety of threats. What are the threats?
That you will be judged by others.
That you are not good enough.
That you do not “measure up” maybe financially, or in a relationship .. or anywhere else.
Usually we don’t recognize the TRUE source of our anger, and how it is mixed with other emotions. Perfectionists often mix anger with shame and or guilt. Perfectionists operate on fear.
When we are always in fear our nervous systems are on high alert. We are anxious, and can hide “flight” from
our emotions or are in “fight” where we are stuck in anger, resentment and rage. Sometimes we can do both of these things but can’t find calm and peace in our lives. Our nervous system is designed to move through these states - to flow and not be stick.
I can explain things, but I can not make you fully understand. You must be ready and open your mind to the possibilities that maybe you have not yet uncovered.

 

Translated to English: "Since the beginning of the program, the pain has multiplied by 3 and keeps changing. I've had jaw pain, then back pain, then psoas pain, and for the past two days, extreme pain in my feet and legs. Every muscle hurts. Is this normal? Or not at all? For the first time in my life, it's preventing me from working even though I haven't done anything to cause it... It's incomprehensible."

 

This is normal for some people.
Your mind is protecting you from things you are now working to uncover. Physical symptoms and anxiety can increase. The brain knows you are now beginning to understand that TMS is a psychological not a physical phenomenon.
It is a positive sign even though it does not feel like it.
Keep up the good work and slowly begin to get back to daily life! You must show your mind you can conquer this fear and that you understand that TMS causes pain but can not hurt you. You are doing well my friend.
Remind yourself that this too will pass, that you are safe and ok!

 

I noticed something today that annoyed me a bit. Actually, my colleague, who is the boss, is messy, while I like things clean. Apparently, at one point, he dirtied behind my work, and that's when I had terrible leg pain all day, very strong. In the afternoon, two clients argued over trivial things, and I had to shout to calm them down and get a little angry to channel them. My leg pain had reduced by 70%... I don't understand. Can someone help me with this issue? Obviously, I know that my boss/colleague annoys me with his behavior, and I've already journaled about it, but what more can I do? Why does expressing my hatred or anger make the pain disappear? Thank you for responding to me as you always do; you're angels. Don't leave me alone.

 

Yes, I understand completely, but my brain doesn't seem to be getting the message because the pain is increasing, I even have pain in the muscles of my hand which has never happened before... Since the beginning of the program, the symptoms have been three times more severe than usual... When something stresses me out like my colleague, for example, I can't just yell at them, what should I do in that moment, yell at them? Should I tell my brain that it's normal to feel this way and that it's not serious? That's what I don't understand, yesterday I cried and it got a little better but this morning I feel like I've been run over by a truck. The symptoms are very strong, I've never experienced this before. All my muscles are painful.

 

"I'm using ChatGPT to make it easier for you, I don't want to use Google or Reverso which make grammar mistakes, but instead of translating, it replied to me in English, and like a fool, I didn't double-check, I'm sorry. So, just above, I sent you the response."

 

You felt some better after crying because you allowed emotions in! You let yourself feel the anger, the sadness. You tell yourself it’s ok to be angry and FEEL the anger in your body. It’s ok to be pissed off. It’s ok to express yourself but it’s of course not ok to yell at work. That’s what journaling is for. To go home and yell on your paper in writing! To let out all those emotions. But then you slowly learn to speak up for yourself in a manner that other employees hear and respect. But before you do this, you must see if your anger is about the way your mind generates thoughts about yourself, or if you are truly being disrespected. It takes some time. An example: the co-worker says “you always make mistakes”! -you get angry because you are a perfectionist -your goal is to never make mistakes because you learned to think people won’t like you if you aren’t perfect. It’s ok to feel this anger but you also must recognize that your thoughts aren’t always true. That you have made mistakes, some people still like you and you are ok..
Don’t get worried about an arm that now hurts. Of course it does! If you are doing the work in this Structured Educational Program, and writing, your brain is just reacting. Nothing more. I learned to laugh at these things. My body still does it! Every time I journal, my ears get itchy! It happens when I edit my work too -when my mistakes are in my face! It is now so funny to me I say to myself “ah, you don’t like this… but we are doing it anyway!” It is the same process of your mind running from experiencing emotions; trying to keep you from dealing with the “hard stuff” in life we must face.
I also say “I’m an adult, I’m fine and can handle this”. You need to teach yourself that you can handle anything in life!

 

"In fact, the pain is descending, it's strange. It started in the jaw, then moved to the neck, then the back, lower back, psoas, then the legs, and now it's in the feet. I tell my brain that it's normal to feel this kind of thing, that I know what it's doing and that it's not working. The pain is strong because it's crippling. I work standing all day so having pain in my legs and feet is annoying. Moreover, in 15 years it has never affected my legs, but I'm not anxious about it, I don't pay attention to it. It's not because of that the pain is descending, but I have faith... Some people, after reading the book, the pain disappears naturally all of a sudden... It seems that it's not the case for me. I journal everything, everything revolves around love, fear of ending up alone, and the fear of death for me or my parents, absolutely everything, and what makes me furious is humiliation, I hate being belittled. I don't think I can do better in journaling unless I've forgotten something that I can't find..."

 

Once you have identified the emotions that can generate pain, is it still useful to journal?

 

YES!
If you need to. You can do it as often as you'd like, but if you tend to repress emotions, have a lot of self-negative thoughts...or have had TMS then it's pretty much recommended by every professional in the field to keep the skills you learned that help you express yourself going regularly, as a life long habit.

 

Since the beginning of the TMS, I have managed to get rid of arm pain, but I have new symptoms that I didn't have before: lower back, leg positioning, sciatic pain, and foot pain, which is extremely difficult to bear to the point that I'm starting to doubt if it's TMS... And thinking it's psychological doesn't help, and I've had this for three weeks now and I'm going crazy... What can I do?