Day 1 here we go

Hi, my name is Sadie.

I wrote a few weeks ago about my symptoms, etc. in another subform here but something inside me held me back from doing the work. So here I am, today, trying my best to be unafraid and completely accept TMS. It's funny, I feel like I have completely accepted it for I truly fit the personality and oddities to a T but part of my brain refuses to acknowledge it.

Today I have mild knee pain, pain in the side of my ribs and my back (my back I am most confident in being TMS, I believe since Sarno focused on this area), my pain the past week has gotten a bit worse than before but moves around like crazy. I'd like to think it's on the run and I will catch up to squash it soon.

As I had mentioned in my first post, most of my anxieties come from food and what I am consuming, since after seeing many doctors I ended up at an acupuncturist who put me on a strict diet and instilled insane fear in me. She calmly threatened me, almost, when I really think of it. Scared the life out of me but I did get better at first until other symptoms started to appear and occur. She took me off all sugar, caffeine, dairy, gluten, nightshades, most nuts, most fruit, etc. She told me I could develop celiac disease if I didn't adhere which terrifies me to this day... but when I went to her, I felt I was only having weird reactions to dairy...

Since learning of TMS I have begun eating a more regular diet, sometimes my stomach hurts, but then it moves to cramps in my abdomen, or it moves to my throat and creates a lump, makes my mouth dry. Sometimes it feels like a sort of reflux, but that mostly dissipated until today (after I ate GF pasta w/ veggies -- yesterday I ate chips and salsa and didn't get the sensation...)

I have been eating more regularly for almost a month now but wasn't adhering to do this work as best I could. I have developed some IBS symptoms, but I really believe it is my brains absolute fear of "eating the wrong things," "not being healthy enough," etc. I just want to confidentially eat as I please, and I've always been a pretty healthy person in that regard. Aside from this newer development, and the migratory digestive pains, I've gained a lot more energy since allowing myself to eat the foods I want to and love again, which really leads me to believe this must all be TMS.

All I want is to feel comfortable in my body again, to return to life, if you will. These past several months have been hell. I feel like a foreigner in my own body. I haven't been working, I am lucky to be able to do a job I love and I miss it terribly. I want to be free of this, of the constant worry and feeling stuck in my body. I want to become friends with my body again. I want to go back to work and go out to eat whatever I desire with friends. I want to wake up comfortably and watch a movie in bed without resituating myself constantly. I want to eat bread without the voice in the back of my head miming the acupuncturist.

Today is my first, TRUE day working on this (which I think I've also been beating myself up about) -- I know I can heal. Any kind words or similar stories, etc. are appreciated of course, though I have scoured this board like a mad woman

Thank you for reading this, for saying anything, thank you Sarno and the universe for leading me here. God, I can't wait to feel ALIVE again.

 

Howdy...digestive issues are my main issue (I beat Chronic Fatigue Syndrome with the program, and have mostly beaten my IBS-C). Overall, the program has helped me very much with them. I saw a "natural" doctor who sounds much like your acupuncturist. After trying her dairy and gluten free diet for a while and feeling no improvement, I told her of my desire to start eating those foods again at which point she assured me "I can never go back!" Long story short, I eat them now without issue (actually, I eat very little dairy, but that is more of preference). I am very confident that all unexplained IBS symptoms that are not present in your first few years of life are almost certainly MBS. Feel free to message me any questions or concerns you have and good luck with the program. It really does work!