Hiding Emotions from a loved one

In day 10 we are supposed to ponder who we may be hiding our emotions from. I believe in my case it's my husband and my son. Today I actually wrote a letter to my husband as part of the journaling assignment and I did the same to my son the other day. I frightened myself quite a bit for the hurtful things I said to both of them on paper, knowing they'd never read it. They both love me and I feel like a horrible person for writing what I wrote. Those thoughts make me feel guilty and I'm glad I see that now, but it still feels terrible.

 

Congratulations. You can see that parts of you do have those feelings, and other parts are alarmed at these feelings. This equals the "T" in TMS: inner tension. I think this is great. Every time you notice symptoms you can remember this conflict between your angry self and the 'judge.' Having this information points you to the real causes of symptoms, which in turn helps them reduce. In the future you might just allow yourself to feel angry or hurtful, just feel the urge, allow it, feel it in your body. Allowing it without judgement (as much as possible) is a radical way to live and helps unwind TMS symptoms.

 

I don't feel those really hateful things when they happen, but they only come out in journaling so far. I imagine that I'll slowly start to feel things things in real time as they are happening so I can address them and notice them, but that hasn't starting happening yet.