Hiding emotions

I have had depression for a number of years and i hide this from many people: my house mates, even though there quite good friends one is a psychiatric nurse and 1 is depressed herself. I have never told my best friends from university either. I have lived in London for the past few years and have told some of my close friends here. I think ive found this easier as a lot of them have their own experiences with mental illness. therefore im not sure why its hard with my housemate. I think maybe with the 2 of them its difficult now because we have discussed mental illness so much that it seems strange to say it now after not saying it all this time. I find its a hard thing to know when/how to bring up. The same sort of thing applies with my university friends. I also thinkI have a subconscious fear that they wont know how to react/ wont be as supportive as i hope which is probably unfair.
I dont know whether holding this back could be contributing to my TMS symptoms or is being aware of emotions myself enough without sharing them with other people?

 

Hi Ellie,
Your own awareness and your own acceptance is probably the most important. And it sounds like you are there, in relationship to yourself. What comes to me is the feeling of connection to those close to you, in sharing yourself. I am glad you have been able to share this with friends. We all want to be seen in our suffering. Part of this is an inner seeing.
Andy B.

 

Andy, I've read your replies today and know everyone appreciates them very much.

As for ellie's repressed emotions, I know from my own experience that they create TMS, including depression.
Sometimes, if not often, we cannot reveal our inner selves to others, so they can build up inside us.
I tell myself this is who I am, but do not feel the need to reveal who that is. To thine own self be true.

 

thanksWalt but please can you clarify are you saying it is better to reveal depression to more people or just being aware of it ourselves is enough? thankyou

 

Hi Ellie, sorry to step in, but with regards to depression, I personally think it's down to your discretion as to whether you share and be transparent.

As @Andyb points out its all about your awareness and acceptance that will help you move forward and out of this dark phase.

Whilst I can appreciate the need to share your situation with others, be cautious with whom. Quite often we share and when people don't understand or accept what we are going through we feel let down about their lack of interest etc I'm not saying not to share, but just to be cautious.

Finally, call your depression by a softer label, I've always hated the word depression. Perhaps an emotional imbalance?! It gives one hope that there will be light after the dark.

There have been so many who have recovered from it so please be gentle and loving to yourself. It may take time, but focuss on your surround and those beautiful things that are the essence of life; nature, community etc which will buy you time to process your emotions in a more compassionate and loving way.

Regards

 

There are some very good video lectures on Youtube for treating depression.
I especially like "How to Deal with Depression" by author Noah Elkrief.
It's 35 minutes and has some very helpful and calming suggestions.

He suggests living in the present, and this concept of mindfulness is very important in TMS healing from pain and anxiety or depression.

 

Hi Ellie,
I really like the wisdom that Mike shared with you. I agree that it is you that needs to be aware of and accept your emotions. And, I also agree that it is wise to choose carefully who you share your medical information with. It is private as long as you keep it private, and that is your right. It sometimes helps if we share with others and it feels good to be understood; but, realize that some people are not willing or capable of dealing with emotions - which is usually all about messages they received in the past and not about you. So, I would just follow Mike's advice and be cautious and wise about who you entrust with your personal information. It's not necessary to make it public to heal. Please be gentle and loving to yourself and, if you're working through this program, I think you will see changes as you continue to process your feelings.
Take care! Sunny