Holotropic Breathwork trial report

I have before written that I tried TRE (Trauma Release Exercises) work to help emotions surface in addition to journaling etc. To also start from the body and not always from the mind. Feelings are in both.

I have now also tried Holotropic breathwork a few times. The version I have tried is basically 1 hour long of intense breathing, and as a result for me also included repetitive motions in legs and core while I lie down and then transforming into serious body shaking. You just let the body take over and do its thing in this overly oxygenated state. Some cry, some scream ragefully, some shake fearfully.

The last two times, while shaking, serious fear and anxiety has risen up from within. Cravings of kicking and screaming "I don't want to" like a 5 year old. At one point it felt like a pure panic attack and the breathing was just like that. But I reminded my body that feelings are safe and breathed through it with a sense of curiosity mixed with this intense fear and anxiety. After this session (nr 3) I felt like a worthless piece of shit, like no one would want to be my friend, I´m useless and so on (not normal thoughts for me). I felt serious fear of abandonment from my spouse and my friends.

The day after I did another session. Serious shaking again. Did a lot of movements during the breathing while I lie down (kicking etc.). Now I feel fantastic and have been like that for two days. Feel like I´m on top of the world and awesome, handsome everything. No TMS pain at all (usually still have like 10% left). Better range of motion in training. Better posture. Something has released in my hip and back.

I have through reading and journaling managed to find a lot of rage and sadness, and only some fear. I think this approach has helped me dig out some of my fears and helped integrate it with shaking and allowing to feel it and sitting with it.

I will continue to explore this method for a while in addition to conventional TMS work.

 

On the fifth day now since the last session and I´m still feeling great within and no TMS pain, and now the whole family has been sick with a cold a few days - something that usually gets me down and also creates TMS pain. I hate when everyone is sick because its such a life pressure to take care of sick small children while you are sick yourself. But I´m actually quite chill now regardless.

Hope to be able to do another 1h breathing session tomorrow, and let´s see if it brings out even more feelings of fear!