Day 9 How’s it going

As per the SEP, I’m posting an update on my first week.

As I guess it is for many people, it’s been up and down for me. I think exploring my emotions, and revisiting past events has been really helpful and allowed me to get a lot off my chest - I’m surprised at how useful journaling really is! I even had my first therapy session which was great. So either, way, I feel that this program will help me heal my emotional wounds at least!

I have done 3 shifts at work (a full weeks worth for me as I’m part time) and got through them all okay. The fact I have no choice but to work, makes it easier for me to push through it with confidence instead of fear as I have nothing to lose. At home, it’s a lot, lot harder - but I did manage to play an hour of Minecraft with my friends on day 7 with minimal pain, and no preoccupation about it or anything else on my mind.

The main difficulty I’m having is actually believing TMS is the root of my pain. I know I fit the personality profile. I know I have a whole heap of repressed emotions and childhood trauma to work through. But the stickler for me is that I know I also have pretty severe postural issues that could be very logically causing or contributing to my issues.

So in my mind I’m a bit of a mouse in a maze, going back and forth between the TMS and PRI (postural restoration) modalities.

When I’m in bed feeling pain and all the other crazy sensations I get at night it’s really easy for me to be calm through it and tell myself it’s tms, it doesn’t bother me at all. Same for when I’m walking around during the day. I’ve had mixed results at work. But when I wake up and my hands are weak, there’s always a creeping doubt that I have to shake off. Same when I’m using my computer at home. This morning (Sunday 28/05/23, day 9) I woke up with shoulder spasms, which I’ve never had before, which I think has left me under a real cloud of dread all day from which I haven’t been able to escape all day - no matter how much I soothe myself, I haven’t been able to get rid of that anxious gut feeling and breathiness.

This is worrying for me as I know I have chronically tight traps, which for the longest time I have assumed are causing or contributing to my arm pains - but the spasms has made me feel like my body is helplessly deteriorating. I think I have trigger points in my forearms and shoulders, which is obviously a very physical manifestation of pain which could be caused my bad posture, poor sleep, and being sedentary - all which fit my profile. So I’m a bit at odds with the diagnosis, but will keep trying and continue with the program.


The main thing I am keeping in mind is to be soothing, not to push myself, and not to panic.

thanks to anyone who has supported me so far!

 

Although Dr. Sarno called it “oxygen deprivation” - it is muscle tension. With a lot of anxiety and stress, muscle tension can be significant. We can hold it instead of releasing it and it can cause postural problems. The good news is that there have been studies showing that posture does not always equal pain.
A great example of postural pain reversal is Dan Buglio. He has posted photos of his very contorted body pre-tms work, and discussed his physical discomforts. He no longer has chronic pain and his body has sorted itself out.
It is amazing what the mind can do!
You have done great things in a week!

 

Hi cactus flower, thanks for your support and worlds of advice! I will look up this gentleman’s story!

I guess it’s just difficult to go back on what I have come to understand about my situation so quickly.

 

Wow, I have just taken a look at this guys story…. He was quite clearly locked in the left aic right bc pattern, but got out with TMS therapy. That to me says that TMS is about an autonomic nervous system locked in fight or flight mode. It’s incredible to see PRI patterning defeated in this way, many of the other success stories sound like patterning too. It also reinforces what pri say: it is indeed all in the brain!
This has inspired me a lot!

 

This is EXACTLY what PRI methodology is about, that the autonomic nervous system is locked in fight/flight. Because we (the patient) is thinking so physically, we tend to look more into that aspect of their philosophy. PRI simply looks into what other contributing factors (not causes, just CONTRIBUTING) can be part of the pattern. Do you hold tension in your jaw? Your eyes? Can they help your brain reverse this ingrained pattern by changing the neural patterns to show your brain moving out of the pattern is not to be feared. That is exactly how I use their activities; to challenge my fears. This concept is totally supported by my PRI therapist in Lincoln. My local therapist doesn't quite see things the same way - but I think this is a concept learned over time - TMS type theory is simply hard for some folks to face.

 

as I say, the thing that makes me doubt if TMS will work for me personally is that my jaw and teeth really are so bad. I have awful malocclusion, no space in my mouth for my tongue, and an awful forward head that I cannot physically reverse. I feel my body shift as I move my jaw side to side but it is stuck on the left, keeping me patterned.

I also think the pin in my arms is directly linked to my tongue.

I’m really trying and am benefitting a lot, but no matter how much I commit I still have this nagging voice telling me it won’t work for me because of all this.

im working on mindfulness and somatic tracking the last few days which is helping me become less scared of the pain and other sensations, but over the past 2 weeks since I started TMS work, I have to say my arms have only gotten worse.