Day 25 How I am doing

Well to be honest I have no real idea how I'm doing...I think I am doing all right. At the moment my main focus is just self awareness emotionally, intellectually, physically and environmentally. Sometimes it seems impossible to open up and if I am aware of that at the time rather then force myself into to be open etc i just try to relax and observe what is going on (inspired by a Sarno interview where after Howard Stern labelled Sarno as a saint Sarno denied such claims and said himself to be an observer). I like that because observing is like data collecting and its not like your seeking results. Today I got fairly frustrated at a friend/ ...realization people in general when it seems as though they are not pulling there weight. Anyway this particular moment I was working on a group assignment with my group. It was a health and safety presentation and we choose the topic oos. I was telling my one of the member start thinking about different perspectives to approach the subject and was just getting rather frustrated cause although he was nodding along going yeah it seemed as though he was taking none of the ideas on board with his own research. Then I found myself reexplaining about TMS. I was pretty annoyed but trying to act calm. I noticed I was forcing information upon my friend trying to get him to do things my way. At the same time it seemed he really wasn't pulling his weight and that I had to interfere just to give him a bit of direction. Thats all I have on that one.

Had a couple of good realizations today as well in that sometimes i maybe telling myself oh don't do this this is wrong you know and have been told its not good practice etc today i just realized sometimes these things are good practice. One example just trying to play as fast as you can on the guitar without worrying about technique or timing(supposedly not good I think its good though!). In terms of treating your TMS I may think oh god I'm thinking or doing something wrong I shouldn't be thinking or doing this..example ..oh I don't actually know where I'm going with that one but its o.k lol. And last point is just realizing its o.k to feel what ever you and just to try your best to love that voice thats telling you your weak for feeling such a way thats the bully and it jsut needs a bit of love.

 

Ah yes! i got an example for that one I didn't have an example for. Just then i was rushing through my post trying to write it fast and slightly forcefully concentrating on trying to use good wording and phrasing. Though earlier I would in my TMS treatment I would of been like you shouldn't be rushing your post or don't concentrate to hard on finding the right word. Now I have the opposite opinion I am allowing myself the right to rush and although I think its good to go slow well your also allowed to go fast!

 

I love this Edward! I can totally relate to your post. I've noticed how much tension I create by trying to do "This program" RIGHT. Oh Lord! What evidence for my personality traits - as if I doubted their impact on the tension making. At least I can say I am an Expert in creating tension for myself!

 

This is good Edward, let yourself be free from any judgmental thoughts,
that's the essence of your post- keep us updated.
your rd to healing is looking great.