Day 25 How I'm doing

I'm having more pain than I'd like to, but so much less then I was just a couple months ago. And, really, it's been at least a 30 year parade of pain and dis-ease, so I'm pleased with the progress. I'm grateful to be here, in this program, reading loads of books and finally having it all make sense. I'm grateful to be digging deeper in my emotions, personality and mind, and to be understanding the link to my body even more clearly.

I feel like I'm getting back into life, after just a couple months ago thinking I would have to face cutting back my activities and commitments and spend time resting and hoping for improvements from supplements, diet and hands on treatments. I'm feeling so much more confident in life than I have for awhile. I didn't realise how much limitation I had accepted.

And I'm journalling some really unpleasant emotions. Things that would definitely tarnish my image of a good, kind, smiley person. It's shocking, but I'm realising that it's not killing anyone. It's not making my relationships worse, actually it's probably helping me feel more at ease with some people, and realise I don't actually want to spend time with some other people. I feel like I'm making choices more easily, with less anxiety and analysis. And I'm getting under the shocking feelings to the fears and discontents that I haven't ever really expressed or allowed myself to acknowledge.

Something I read tonight made me chuckle. Divorce is considered a big stress. That made me laugh, because for me, I've actually had big relief from pain following divorces and other relationships ending. I find relationships stressful. I've said my psoriasis healed with a combination of a divorce, returning to church and a topical zinc spray. Knowing what I know now, the divorce was probably the biggest part of the remedy. And that healing followed on with new symptoms and diseases, just like the books describe. It's amazing, really.

 

Well done! It seems like you are really getting it! Its all these moments when we journal or read something and then go 'Ahhh!' and a light goes on.... actually get to know ourselves (on the gates at Delphi it said 'Know Thyself'!!) And as we do that we get to understand ourselves, and then be kind and non-judgemental to ourselves... Eventually we can actually be more kind & understanding to others - but we do have to practice on ourselves first.... Before we can cope with others we have to ensure we can protect and defend ourselves - like you say - partners, family can all be damaging to us- but the learning we go through can only benefit all!!