Day 25 How I'm Doing

Things are kind of weird right now. I tried to take a week off which started on Saturday and I uh I've given up. I was completely miserable. What I would do is try to get all the stuff done I needed to in a day so I could relax and it would always take more time than I thought and then I would feel incredibly anxious and stressed. My tms came back wayyy worse and I got symptoms that I haven't had in months. So after today I just sort of gave up on that plan. I'm gonna try again, hopefully after lockdown in my state lifts so I can actually go out and do stuff. I honestly feel like such a failure so that's not good. I'm thinking I will each day do something I want to and prioritize that which I was doing for a while and it was going very well but I stopped for some reason I don't remember. On the bright side, my insomnia is back under control and hopefully will stay that way. I've also started to every hour pause for a minute and just being nice to myself and that seems to be working very well and given that's what lifted my TMS last time. I'm hopeful.

I have kind of been doing my own thing with the program and just trying to listen to what feel right for me. That's mostly encouraging myself to be a functional human being and continue to not be controlled by my anxiety. I'm pretty sure I've already uncovered most of my emotions and pathologies, those four years of therapy weren't for nothing. I'm not saying there's nothing repressed but I'm almost certain that it isn't my main issue anymore. I think my main challenge is just learning to live with and be nice to myself. I do feel insecure about the fact that I am to some degree doing my own thing and feel like maybe I'm failing, but we'll see.

 

Sorry your week off did not go as planned, but it sounds like you are making progress and on the right track. I too found that even after digging all of the emotions up (I think), my brain still views some of those stressors and feelings as "dangerous," so the symptoms still come back from time to time. Self care and being nice to yourself are very important, so it's great that you are making progress there. I think a big part of healing is not just opening up those difficult feelings, but learning to accept them and grow accustomed to them. Losing your fear of the symptoms is a big part of it too. Keep up the good work!