Day 2 I made it through the day fine on no sleep

Last night I didn't sleep a wink despite trying multiple meditations, tactics, breathing techniques, reassuring myself that I am safe and healthy, etc.

I woke up this morning pissed, groggy , dry heaving/intenselycoughing from anxiety of not coughing and fearful that the day was going to be awful (I work in Learning & Development and today was the first day of a new training class I had to teach).

However, the craziest thing happened. I decided, F**k this, I'm not going to lay in bed and wallow with anxiety and wait for a headache, I'm going to be productive. I folded laundry and took my dog for a 6am walk (I am NOT a morning person, so this is rare for me). I got back from the walk and was feeling hot and anxious. I decided, what the hell, let's take a cold shower? I did it, twice and the shock to my body felt AMAZING. My mood improved, I felt alert, anxiety lessened and I went on with getting ready for work.

I got to work and the initial high started to wear off a bit, but I just powered through and kept telling myself, you don't have a headache, but your TMS is causing you this fearful anxiety. I also had a bit of a cold from sleeping with a fan next to me, that persisted and made my chronic post-nasal drip annoying, but I ignored it. I pictured my obsessive thoughts as bugs that needed to get acknowledged and caught and that's what I did to stop them throughout the day. It was still uncomfortable and I had slight anxiety while teaching my class, but by 3-4pm, everything subsided and I went to the gym and easily ran 5 MILES on no sleep (disclaimer, I'm a runner, so not a huge accomplishment)! What "unhealthy" person can do that I kept saying. They can't because you are fine and healthy. It was so funny, as I was enjoying my run, I could feel slight aches in the back of my head at times, right abdomen, neck, knee, all of which I laughed at and ignored and they went away. I took a warm shower after, went on my way home and was fine.

Another small win is when I went to go pick up my dog at my parents, I just ate and booked it out of there. I normally have been lingering a bit lately because of that fear of going home to be alone that has developed over the past few months. The SECOND i got the leash to get the dog and walk out the door, head pressure began. I started laughing again and acknowledged that this was most likely out of fear of going home and ignored it. I then came home journaled, reread a few pages of TMBP, and am currently hear with a bit of head pressure or aches in my neck and I'm just ignoring and keep telling myself, I know what's going on, and I am not going to be bothered by it.

Today I consciously acknowledged it's all stemming from boredom anxiety/being alone > stress > fear > head pressure, chronic post-nasal drip (excess mucus) and anxiety.

I wouldn't say I am noticing a significant improvement on Day 2 like many others, but hey, I'm trying.

 

Great example of outcome independence. Congratulations!