Day 3 I think it's fighting me

I read the success story from day 3 and I really took in the part about muscle tension and spasms and that cycle. I felt a lot more confident after that, especially because I'm going through a lot of stress these past few months and have been very stressed as it is this whole year and a bit before too. Anyway, my dad who I haven't seen since I was maybe 11 randomly visited last night. It was so weird and unexpected and might have actually been the last time I'll ever see him since he's moving on the other side of the world in about a week. I was thinking my symptoms would flare up hugely like they did very badly when my friends visited yesterday afternoon but I seemed to be almost perfectly fine. But maybe my symptoms aren't TMS? Also the thing that REALLY scared me was I woke up in the night and felt the burning/stinging very badly. This just really killed the hope that it's TMS. Although my mum reassured me today and told me, it's not conscious, it's subconscious, so of cause it can still happen while you're asleep or dreaming. I guess that makes sense especially because my dreams are always so stressful. Well I'm still going to carry on as if they are TMS until the end of this program and until I can see my UBGYN in October.

Anyway, today my symptoms are slightly different. I still have the burning/stinging but now I'm getting obvious muscle spasms (mostly painful) in and around the urethra. I think it might have actually started after I read the article and started to realise that the burning/stinging might be muscle spasms because apparently that's how they can feel. I also have been suspecting the fluid feeling after peeing is a muscle spasms too. I mean I did get some obvious muscle spasms yesterday when my friends visited too so it might not be purely psychosomatic - if it is at all. The back and bladder ache I had yesterday is gone although I did feel it a bit when I started freaking out about the burning/stinging spike.

When I was telling my mum about this, I started getting a bad wave of my very old 2016 symptoms of a weird tingling. Made me remember how real they used to feel. I actually laughed a bit because it felt like my mind was trying to fight me, trying it's best to throw anything it can so I keep believing these symptoms might not be TMS. They're gone now anyway. I remember just before I got these urethra symptoms, for a few months I was getting a lot of mini TMS PGAD symptoms that felt different each time and when I finally beat the last one, the next day I got a small wave of those old symptoms and I laughed knowing it was my brain's last attempt at trying everything it can to scare me - it went away absolutely instantly and hasn't come back since just today lol. I don't remember how soon it was after that I started getting these urethra symptoms though. But I am getting PGAD every now and then too which feels more real than ever. I really don't understand my brain and how it seemed to have given up but now it's come back stronger than ever. Unless of cause it isn't TMS this time (I keep saying that, I know lol). I know I shouldn't have but I googled today and am wondering if I have Urethral Syndrome and/or a pelvic floor dysfunction. They both seem to be possibly caused by stress and muscle spasms anyway though so still hope for TMS!

Day 3 question:
When was the last time you exercised or did another physical activity? What was this activity? How did it make you feel physically and emotionally? If it is has been a while since you last exercised, why?
The first day of one of my periods, maybe April or even May, I went for a long walk with mum in the woods in the morning. I felt scared I was going to get PGAD because of doing activity during period. I don't remember how I felt physically but I felt really good mentally and emotionally for doing it especially despite the fear. It's been a while because I started getting the symptoms - I'm scared walking too much will make them worse although so far from experience they don't make it worse (or at least noticably worse) but the thought of going out in nature especially to walk scares me because it reminds me of exercise. Exercise since 2016 has always reminded me of getting PGAD or creating or worsening symptoms. If I go out shopping etc, it doesn't feel like this though because it doesn't feel like exercise. I also did some crunches for a few days before I got the symptoms too. I remember I was scared because I read somewhere it puts a lot of pressure on your urethra like a balloon or something - now that I think about this, this could be my subconcious reason why I'm getting symptoms in the urethra this time when it's normally in/around my clit.

 

Don’t focus that much on the muscles! Clit, urethra etc. you won’t be able to clearly feel which muscle is responsible for what. They all work together and create involuntary clenching of the pelvic floor. Don’t focus on that. As Sarno always say: think psychologically. The muscles will not stop doing this as long as they get attention. And anxiety feeds this clenching and overstimulation. Let go and the pain will stop eventually ...

 

Thank you so much! Reading this has really helped me stay motivated.