Day 20 If you could change one thing about your life what would it be?

If you could change one thing about your life what would it be? What steps could you take to make this change?

This question has actually come into my conciousness a few times of the last couple of days. I have been learning alot about the crucial component of healing ...Relaxation of the parasympathetic nervous system.

Now I know I know this is not the first time this information has presented on the TMS journey but it is like it's the first time I'm truely hearing it.

The year before my daughter was born, perhaps even the couple of years before, I knew I was lost, spiritually lost, despite being happy and amazing things happening in my life like starting my own business, being awarded scholarships to do my work, creating new community organisations, getting married, getting pregnant, having a gorgeous healthy child... (Oh boy my bladder tenses just typing this)... These are all incredible things! And I love my work my husband and my child!..

But! ...but! I consider the undercurrent of all of these events and I. Was. Running. With. Urgency!

Even when babe was 6 weeks old we needed to move house with urgency! And this isbprecisely when my bladder locked on with the same intensity from which I was living.

I'm not sure what exactly was the urgency but I do know I was running away from my spiritual needs constantly and consistantly

I think if I could change anything in my life it would be to find myreconnection and faith in spirit and find the best community and friends to support that.

My faith has been rooted in Buddhist practice in the past but somewhere along the lines I felt sad and I couldn't face my connection trust and knowing

I think I'd take steps to find genuine spiritual connection in my life once more. ...or even from the first time.

For someone who used to meditate all the time and learnt many things, in now so scared to quiet the mind.thid is precisely what my discomfort is keeping me from

Oh dear,this all feels very raw now, to face down the urgency within to become quiet and moving from the centre in me. It's just been so noisy!

Ok here's to taking steps
Would love to hear of anyones experience of spiritual reconnection. I guess this is a first step also in building community. Will look forward to hear. It's been pretty quiet on here!

Xx Love

 

Hi Allissa RS,

I love reading your sincere inquiry into this basic question, and I like that it takes you into "what is really important to me?" besides all the apparent success and good things, and "how is my life responding to something deeper in me which wants to be experienced, felt, found?"

To me, the deepest opportunity of TMS work are these questions arising. Questions which for many would go unasked if not for symptoms, and then the learning to self-treat, as you're doing.

I wish you greatest tenderness in your desire to connect with the deeper longings in you. In my experience these are to be listened to, even if the specifics are unclear. Just feeling your longing in your body, and not knowing the solutions might be interesting... There is an expression, Sama in Sufi practice. It means to listen deeply. Here is a Rumi quote which might confirm/support your listening.

There’s a moon inside every human being. 
Learn to be companions with it.

Andy B

 

Thankyou Andy for your touching reply and indeed confirming my listening.

The moon is close to heart today conincidently. I woke this morning at 4am to feed babe and i lay looking out at the crescent moon remembering times gone by when I would camp solo with the sun and moon as my guide. I remembered, then moved past grief of its loss, and I connected in.

Your Rumi quote encourages me to lean further in. Perhaps in the way you suggest. Allowing the longing in my body and being open to where it leads. There is something of this grief that appears though, that my need to be held just as tenderly I suspect.

 

Part of what drove me to getting sick...my repressed anger...is over my work. I work in a field I find morally questionable, and I don't agree with a lot of what my company does. The problem is, I work at a family business, founded by my now deceased mom. She worked her butt off to build the company, allowing me to go to college debt free! So, I have felt stuck there for years. I planned on leaving about seven years ago, but then my mom got sick, then died. I stayed to help keep the place afloat for my brother's and dad's sake. I know that built a lot of resentment, all the while I was growing to dislike myself for working at a place I felt was bad. It's quite a mess!

I am on my way out finally after a lot of transition work and a lot of drama with my dad and brother. Quite a mess at times. So, what would I change now? I just want to take steps to accept the complicated feelings about my family's business, and figure out how I can find fulfillment. Like you said, dealing with TMS definitely gives us a chance to sort through all of this. I am kind of grateful. I do believe I will be a better person after going through this.